My Thinking Place

A Hodgepodge of Jibberish

2010-12-08T16:05:00.000-08:00

*ahem*

I firmly believe that clothes shopping is a form of torture created by a woman of average height.

I tried snowboarding. Once. I sucked.

I took tap and ballet as a kid, I sucked at that too. Choose martial arts instead, which I totally kicked ass at.

I prefer chips & salsa over hummus & celery.

My parents divorced when I was 8. Thank goodness, couldn't imagine them being married now.

My kids make me laugh and are the wind in my sails.

I don't dance. Two left feet.

Football confuses the crud out of me, but I enjoy watching it anyway.

I prefer living behind the wall of sass I have created - at least it keeps the asses out.

2011 will be the year I finish the novel I began writing in 2009.

When I win the lottery, my first purchase will be a tummy tuck & then new floor mats for my car.

I use the words "Uh..." & "Dude" way too much.

One time, I broke my wrist over a bad guys melon.

I love to run when it's misty outside.

Writing is therapeutic to me - I'd much rather hand write a letter than send an email.

I try to be the kind of friend that would give the shirt off my back (& even the receipt in case it isn't the perfect fit)

I give 110% and am stubborn as a mule.

I am the only girl out of a ginormous vat of children: I blame this for my tomboy-ness.

Speaking of being a tomboy - I probably have more battle wounds from falling up the stairs then you have coins in your piggy bank.
For some reason, I enjoy cooking with the lights off.

One time, I replaced the frosting in my mom's cookie with toothpaste.

I gag every time my sweet neighbors from Cambodia cook fish.

I prefer simplicity over extraordinary.

'Second chances' aren't in my vocabulary anymore.

Intuition is 99.9% right nearly 100% of the time.

I take the crappy advice they stuff inside fortune cookies to heart.

My favorite smell is rain & my favorite sound is walking on pea gravel.

Books are way better companions than most human beings are.

I choose my battles wisely, have learned to not waste my energy on struggling with the past & refuse to forget but will always forgive.

I believe in God.

If I had to choose two things to consume for the rest of my life, it would be beef jerky & Diet Dr. Pepper.

There has never been a time in my life where taking the easy road worked out for the best.

Someone outta gorilla glue this drawer shut

2010-05-27T19:39:00.000-07:00

... because for some blasted reason, I keep running into said drawer and spilling it's contents!

April 12, 2010

May 27, 2010

I'm not sure that the bruise from my last battle with the desk has even healed yet.

(>.<)

Driving Like the Mailman!

2010-05-27T19:23:00.000-07:00

(o_-)

I have been having the oddest dreams lately.

Most recently, I was sitting in the passenger seat of a car... only I was the driver. After a brief moment of panic, I realized that somehow, the car wasn't veering off the road, squishing innocent bystanders or aiming for the underside of an OCTA bus.

After a bit of online research, here is what I have discovered about my very disturbing yet thrilling (eh?) dream:

If you are driving from the passenger side of a car, then it suggests that you are trying to gain control of the path that your life is taking. You are beginning to make your own decisions

Well, I'll be ~~damned~~ darned (working on that, sorry) - this has been my frame of mind lately. Taking control of what is already mine.

Now, off to research the meaning behind trading faces with a boy. I kid you not...

That Chick

2010-05-27T18:56:00.001-07:00

"That Chick" is a unique creature.

We all know one, or have been Her at some point in our life.

Here is "That Chick", in a nutshell.

-Professes Her love in the middle of the first date because he opened the door for her. (That's his job, ladies. It's called chivalry.)

-Would rather stay home on a Saturday night to watch chick flicks and mourn the last relationshit that failed vs. hanging out with some really awesome friends (*sob* Am I broken? I sent him 85 texts today. Doesn't he miss me too? <-- Knock it off!)

-Settles for less then She deserves because she's lonely. (This is a sensitive subject, but it happens. She ends up in an empty relationship laying in bed next to a stranger... and is still lonely. No bueno!)

-Envisions Herself married and in bliss... with the gorgeous guy standing in line in front of her at the grocery store. (He's wearing a ring, but that's ok. Maybe he's unhappily married and there's a chance?? Nevermind. He's missing teeth. *sigh*)

-Overwhelms Her girlfriends with this: Doesn't your husband/boyfriend/husband's best friend/brother have any hot single friends?

-Dates fugly guys to boost Her self esteem (It was AWESOME! Everyone was looking at me like "She's too cute to be with HIM!"...seriously? *raising eyebrow*)

-Purposefully does not shave before a first date so She doesn't "accidently" molest the unsuspecting guy. (It really is none of his business that you've had no reason to shave your legs for over 6 months, That Chick)

-Saves texts/voice mails from a boy to listen to when she's at her lowest point missing him. (Really? Reading "I love the smell of your skin..." makes you feel better when you know he's out with some other chick right now? <---Stooooopit!)

-Resurrects old flames from the grave for entertainment purposes only. (I know he's no good for me, but damn he has pretty teeth. Is it wrong that I just want to see him ONE MORE TIME?)

-Drive by stalking. Enough said. Bad bad bad.

-"Accidently" texts the ex, just to see if he responds. (Oops... No, I wasn't saying I love your beautiful eyes, that's for THE NEW BOY I'M DATING!! Jerk. Stop texting me.)

The list goes on and on... and will be added to as need be.

Yea. I'm not gonna be That Chick ever (again!!)

;)

facepalm

2010-05-27T18:54:00.000-07:00

Remember the simplicity of High School dating?

Boy to Girl: Will you go out with me?

Girl to Boy: Yes

It humors me when men say, "I don't wanna date a chick that plays high school games."

Looks pretty simple to me.

Adult Dating...

blows chunks.

Spellcheck, please.

2010-02-15T14:58:00.000-08:00

*raising eyebrow*

If you are going to be kind enough to ask me out on a date, have the courtesy of using spellcheck.

hello whats ur name i would lke to have date with you as well get to know you a bit wht do u think im kuis

Falsies!

2010-02-15T13:10:00.000-08:00

Instructions for applying false lashes.

1. Hold lashes between fingertips and apply a liberal amount of lash glue to the edge.

2. Constantly keep fingers moving so that any excess glue does not bind said lashes to your fingertips.

3. Place falsies as close to your natural lashes as possible.

4. DONT BLINK.

5. Remove falsies and repeat setps 1-4 as it is impossible to get it right the first time.

6. Using a moistened Q-tip, remove drying glue from eyelids, bangs & bridge of nose.

7. Glue will take several minutes to dry. This process can be sped up by utilizing a blowdryer on low speed with high heat. Eyes closed, please.

8. Using a very dark eyeliner, trace edge of lashes being sure to cover clumps of glue.

9. Curl eyelashes gently.

10. Apply 7 coats of mascara to ensure that should lash glue lose it's grip, the mascara will have at least fused the falsies to your natural lashes so they don't fall off into your Mai Tai.

Knitting Socks

2010-02-15T11:39:00.000-08:00

Soldiers hold a special place in my heart. I loved one, once upon a time.

Having had that experience, the adoration for the US Military has just kind of stuck with me. The dedication these men & women show makes me choke up a bit. A few of my brothers are former Marines (OOHRAH!) & providing comfort for the American Troops is just in my blood. It is the least I can do for the sacrafices they make.

I recently began volunteering at the USO. Thus far, it has been a life changing experience. An eyeopener of sorts. Each volunteer has a different reason for offering their time. Some are retired Military & Vets, some have family members in the service - brothers, sisters, children... and some have no connection to anyone in the Military - they simply want to say "thank you".

There is a fantastic site that I stumbled across this morning that touched my heart. anysoldier.com If you are looking to provide a little bit of comfort to our Men & Women serving overseas, this is the site for you! Currently, I have 3 friends serving in Iraq. I do my best to reach out to them as much as possible, just so they know that someone at home is thinking about them.

I may not always agree with the circumstances surrounding the deployment of our Troops, but that doesn't prevent me from knitting socks on the homefront. *wink wink*

Perfectly Un-Perfect

2009-11-03T09:39:00.000-08:00

*ahem*
This post has been deleted by the author.

DRAMA FREE my (_i_)

2009-09-30T16:08:00.000-07:00

Here Ye Here Ye!

Thou shalt acknowledge that thy male counterpart is substantially more emotionally broken then ye!

Or something like that.

It's been a while since I have had such insight into the male brain.

Ladies, boys are considerably more (or equally as) broken then we are.

Being back on the dating scene isn't much fun. *sigh* It's the same scumwads that have been hanging around the joint for the last 2 1/2 years. It's odd to receive emails stating, "Hey! You're back! How ya been? Things didn't work out with Bacon? That's too bad. Wanna get a drink tonight?"

Really? No.

Anyhow, the boys that I'm learning to avoid are the ones that state they are "DRAMA FREE". :raising eyebrow: Not so much.

As females, we tend to have drama from past relationships.

But boys hang onto stuff from their childhood.

I once dated a guy whose mother left him at a very young age. He was raised happily by his grandparents. He reached adulthood, got married, had a child... and then discovered that he had siblings whom he never knew existed. Now, I can't imagine not having been raised by my mother. Or feeling abandoned. And no, this guy never vocalized either of these concerns in great depth, we only touched on them lightly during a few brief conversations.

Said relationshit progressed, Y-chromosome spoke of co-habitation (woah) and then ::boom:: it was done.

Ok.

*blink blink*

For some reason, I have been attracted to severely broken males in the past.

Ones with "mommy" issues, practically still hanging from the teet.

No more of that...

And no more of the ones that hate their mother's either.

Or the ones who don't know who their mother is.

Or the ones who won't forgive their mother's flaws.

Or the ones who still live with their mother.

How does one lose a sucker fish?

2009-08-04T16:08:00.000-07:00

I'm a pretty good fish owner. I feed them, I clean the tank often... hell, I even rearrange their plants from time to time to mix it up a little for them. (I can only imagine that being a fish is rather boring. Nothing like a big ole' hand coming into your tank to scoot your plants around every few weeks to get the fishie heart racing!)

Last night was a routine cleaning: Remove a good portion of the water, rinse off plants, change filter, etc.

I don't stick my hand into the tank for fun, trust me. My guppies aren't afraid of people and they will swim in between your fingers and actually nibble at your fingers. :shudder: Hrm.. Anyhow, I've had a "sucker fish" for the last 3 years. Ugly thing, but he serves his purpose.

Last night, he wasn't there. (O_o)

I practically stuck my head into the half empty tank, flipping over the pebbles, shiny stones, plucking plastic plants out of the blue gravel, tipping over *fish toys and he was gone!

How does one lose their freaking sucker fish?!

Here's what he looked like.

Lemme know if you see him, he's in big ass trouble for not leaving a note.

*Fish Toys: While my fish can't actually play with toys, they enjoy swimming through holes... believe it or not. So their tank is equipped with a stone-like cave that they can swim through and frolick in.

My boss is way cooler then yours!

2009-08-04T16:05:00.001-07:00

That is all.

☺

Bad commute gone good!

2009-04-18T20:52:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, my weekly commute makes me borderline crazy.

Two days a week, I drive from Orange County to The 909 to pick up & drop off my girls. One day a week, I leave my house at 6:45 am to reach The 909 by the time Maddie's school starts, and then race back to OC to drop off Catherine and make it to work on time. And then the other day, I have a 3 hour round trip to pick them up after work. *sigh*

These trips often wear at my self-control and sanity... chipping away at both mile after mile.

On one particularly difficult morning, I felt like crying the entire commute. It had started to rain, several lanes on the blasted 57 were closed and I had forgotten my coffee on the kitchen counter. Awful stuff, I tell you. . . *tisk tisk*

Anyhow, somewhere on the 210 fwy, I looked up and saw this:

I captured the scene with my phone and glance at it from time to time for strength during particularly frustrating or sad times.

You're welcome.

The Huntington Beach Tar Pits

2009-04-18T20:16:00.000-07:00

I betcha' didn't know that good ole' Huntington Beach has it's own tar pits, huh?

For some reason, each and every blasted time I visit this dirty sand/water hole, I come home with tar on my feet.

Today, I figured I'd outwit the Tar Monster and not go in the water. Aha! Sometimes, I'm so clever. *sigh*

I was laying on my belly reading (don't ask me what...*edwardandbellacough*), watching the girls play in the water. I was mindlessly shuffling my feet in the sand... And felt something stick to my foot.

NO FREAKING WAY...!! *augh*

T A R

Honestly, I was shocked. In my girl brain, if I stayed out of the water.... I wouldn't end up "tarred" again. Lordy.

OH NO!! I felt something on my other freaking foot!! NOOooOOooOoOO!!

*Author's Note: Yes, that is my left foot, not my hand. I am able to spread my toes much further, but didn't want to freak you all out... I can pick up such household items as blankets, toys and on occasion golf balls.

So.

I bet you are wondering how to remove said tar from one's body, aren't you?

Pumice stone.

But first, you have to let it dry until it's hard... kinda like stale gum. *grimace*

Ask me how much fun it was to cram the pumice stone in between my toes.

Delightful I tell you.

My children and I will only be swimming in Newport's water from now on.

The Sheri Map

2009-03-31T20:04:00.000-07:00

North: Alaska

South: Mexico

East: Mom's House

West: Supposed to be the freakin' beach

I don't care how long I have lived in Orange County, I will never understand why the beach isn't West like it is on the map.

*grr*

I hate getting lost.

Helicopter invasion

2009-03-31T16:38:00.000-07:00

I have low-flying helicopters in my home.

Someone told me that these unsightly disgusting flying things ate mosquitos, so I have been doing my part to save nature and haven't been squishing them.

Turns out, they don't eat mosquitos. In fact, they don't eat at ALL! (No wonder they're so freaking skinny. I'm just sayin...)

I pretty much hate them. They watch me take showers, buzz around my lamps and don't even have the decency to flush themselves once they fall into the potty. I'm afraid to sleep with my mouth open because I just KNOW that one is going to fly into it. G R O S S

Anyhow, after much research... I say: Let the squishing begin!! :D

I rescued my 5 year old from being carried away by this dude. (Think -the flying monkeys from The Wizard of Oz.) I squished him with my favorite Old Navy flip flop.

Go me!

word of the day

2009-03-31T12:02:00.000-07:00

Shubby [shub-EE]

-adjective

Definition: Chubby Sheri

..ihavefreakinghadit..

*Coming soon to a closet near me: Smaller Clothes.

I'm crazy enough to blog about this journey. *shrugs* Stay tuned.

..do you feel a breeze?

2009-02-06T13:55:00.000-08:00

So... I'm standing at the copier and the following conversation takes place...

Boss: Hey, do you know that you have a hole in the back of your jeans...?

Me: Shut up, I do not... Wait, are you serious...?

Boss: Are you wearing underwear? *laughing*

Me: YES I'm wearing underwear!! *gasp*

Boss: Doesn't look like it!

Me: OH MY GAWDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!

I ran into my office, took this picture... and then drove home and changed my jeans...

*blink blink* WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

Aaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnddddddddd.........

2009-01-22T13:24:00.000-08:00

I'm back!!

*yawn*

::stretch::

After a brief blogcation, here I am.

Lucky you. ;)

I am me.

2008-10-29T23:09:00.001-07:00

There are a lot of things in this world I am not (proud to say !!) and here list of what I am.

For your viewing pleasure...

I am:

*A single mom with wonderful children.

* An 'artist' in my own way.

*A dreamer.

*A procrastinator. Worst trait by far!

*A devoted friend.

*I am me: If you don't like who I am, you can go pound sand.

Lines

2008-10-29T16:08:00.000-07:00

Sometimes in life... lines are crossed, friendships are ruined and trust is betrayed.

I am done having people like that in my life. I will only surround myself by people that are good for me, not fake friends.

*wiping hands clean of what's his face and what's her face*

To What's His Face: Pathetic.
To What's Her Face: Your poor boyfriend.

End of Story.

flipping off IKEA

2008-09-30T23:13:00.001-07:00

*insert uprighted middle finger here*

Totally the worst $200 I have ever spent.

Am so tired of fixing the freaking drawers on this thing.

Let's count them... 4... out of 6 drawers... broken.

Know what IKEA?

You suck.

>.<

Pushup dilema!

2008-09-30T22:04:00.000-07:00

Me at 9. I was a boy beating-up machine!

I'm a little skurred. (*Note the font color..bock bock..)

Once upon a time, I was a freaking studette. I was able to crank out 150 pushups without breaking a sweat. 250 crunches? No problem. I was b r a v e. I would volunteer myself to spar with men. Not boys, men. Like with jobs & tattoos and shit = Men.

Recently, my son started karate. He's training with the same boys ... er... men I trained with many moons ago. Like when I would have to take a quick break during class to change Bry's diaper. That kind of MANY moons ago.

Anyhow, last weekend he had his yellow belt test. *squealing* It was a rough 2 hours on his almost 13 year old body, but is joyous for me! I hadn't stepped foot in a dojo in nearly 11 years. (*Note to readers: Never date your martial arts instructor. They're crazy & the breaks-ups are horrific.) Yet, right away, it felt like I belonged. A few of the instructors kinda-sorta remembered me. I think. *pfft* Sweeeeet.

Watching Bry made me think, "Wow. This is something that he and I can do together! The girls are with their dad on Tuesday nights... It's mom and son time!" So, I signed up for a private lesson next Tuesday, before class. Ya know, just as a 'refresher course'. ;)

After watching his class tonight, I'm having second thoughts. I'm not sure I can safely execute even one pushup now. Uh-oh... Rugburn on the forehead, here we come...!!

Christmas is coming!!

2008-09-27T11:14:00.000-07:00

CHRISTMAS IS COMING!!

Yea, I know.

Halloween hasn't even arrived yet and I'm already stressing out about Christmas shopping. . .

Can't help it, it's part of my charm.;)

This year has, financially, been a tough one. The soft economy hit and I had a huge pay reduction at the Escrow Co... So, I left for a new job making less money but more stability... lol.*sigh* Then I got laid off.*groan*

Well, I'm at my new job (which I love to pieces) but the pay's pretty sucky.::sigh:: I kinda feel like I'm back at square one, knocked back about 5 years.

Without the risk of sacraficing time with my children, I can't get a 'normal' 2nd job. I'd rather have a super tight budget then to give up that time...

So, I've been pondering ways to bring in some Christmas shopping money.;) I tend to get pretty darn creative around the holidays. 2 out of the last 4 years I have made Christmas Ornaments. One year I spent a total of 80 hours in the kitchen canning salsa... that almost killed me after I accidently wiped my eye with a jalapeno finger.. Salsa's dangerous.

Anyhow, last year I actually started the ornaments from square one: glass bulbs. Paint. Creativity. WALAH! I made about 45 total for friends, family and co-workers. I'm kind of bummed out that I didn't take pictures of them all, no two were alike. Drats.(Hey family and friends that received ornaments from me, wanna send me a snapshot of them? LOL)

Could I possibly sell them this year...?? I think I may try! Each takes me about 2 hours to complete depending on the design you want... With shipping, packaging etc I'm thinking of selling them for about $9 a piece. I have a few pictures of the ones I did last year. Lemme know what you think!

Pick-Apart

2008-09-23T21:19:00.000-07:00

So, I'm in a 'mood'.

Quite frankly, I'm not sure as to what the aforementioned mood is exactly. *blank stare* Perhaps it could be described as a 'hodgepodge of emotions'. How random.

Anyhow, to sort my thoughts I have made the following list of emotions I'm feeling and why. Enjoy the peek inside my melon.

Sad: The passing of my grandpa and the pain my dad's feeling.
Content: With myself as a mom, a friend and a sister.
Disappointed: In the recent turn of events that may leave me regretting my actions.
Perplexed: By the Y Chromosome. I need to find my users manual, I think it's in storage.
Frustrated: By the unknown, I process facts... not assumptions.
Overjoyed: With the man my son is turning into.
Delighted: With what great girlfriends I have. ♥
Confused: As to what steps should be taken next.
Accomplished: Work work work. I love it even when I detest it.
Love: Writing, it has always been my saving grace.
Pride: In how much I've grown as a person these last few years.
Serenity: In knowing that I give everything 100%, regardless of the chance it may implode.

I feel a little better now that I've picked them all apart.

Now, back out of my anti-social bubble. I'm locking the door for a while.

::slam::

Five steps forward, zero steps back...

2008-09-18T21:46:00.000-07:00

For as long as I can remember, I have been an aspiring writer, doodler and a professional reader.

As a child, I was often scolded for 'wasting every piece of paper in the house'. (Sad but true, my mom used to hide the notebook paper from me and give me rations during the school year.) I had more pen pals then I could keep up with, often pawning the 'not so cool' ones off on my friends who were in need of a NKOTB fan/friend on the east coast.

My kindergarten teacher said the following words to my mom (circa 1983): "I am going to get Sherilynn's autograph because one day, she will be famous..." Sweet words from a woman I detested because she made me take a nap on a rubber mat. Eh.

During elementary school, I would write short stories about my family... just for fun. I discovered the thrill of reading when I was about 8, starting with Judy Blume and then moving onto the Babysitter's Club. I would read & re-read the books until the covers were mangled and the ink on the pages was smeared. Funny, but my favorite place to read was the bath tub. My fingers would be crinkly and the water would be ice cold, but I would keep on reading. My brothers would pound on the door and I would rudely shoo them away... "Leave me alone, Claudia's watching that awful kid!! I have to see what happens! Use the other bathroom, stupid dork!" (Yes, I had anger management issues as a child. Being the only girl out of 278 children will do that to you.)

As an adult, my love of reading hasn't faded. Reading is therapeutic to me. It allows me to be in a different place and time, almost as if I am cutting up the rotting corpse with Kay Scarpetta. *gack* I've learned to love the Salvation Army book shelves. Why buy one book at Target for $6 when I can get 4 for that price at the thrift store?

I started blogging about 7 months ago after a bit of encouraging words from my girlyfriend Kadi. Her blog had me in stitches on a daily basis (She's a 30 year old mother of 7... how can her life be anything but raw in humor and chaos??) and I thought to myself, "Geeze... crazy stuff happens to me on a regular basis. Most of it seems pretty far fetched, but it's true! The black eye from the dog and the crazy ex in the flannel that broke into my home... I should put this on paper." And I did. Kinda. Blogging has given me the opportunity to spew my mind filth. It doesn't matter if anyone reads it, truthfully. I find joy in the art of expressing my thoughts whether it be on the Internet or chicken scratch on the back of an envelope.

Very recently, I was approached by #1 brother (I forget their names at times, there's so many of them...!!!) with some encouraging words...

"Charlotte's been showing me the friggin funny posts you make about your kids. You have a talent, an awesome one. Here's what I suggest you try. Write a novel. Seriously. You have a knack for storytelling right up there with John Grisham. Pick any subject you're interested in... like... say... your kids. Write a story about yourself, changing the names to protect the innocent. I'll help you get it published. Force yourself to write one page per day come hell or high water. Give it a year to be completed, don't rush it. Rough-draft it once. Re-write it twice, and then call it done. Don't do what some noob authors do and get frustrated because it isn't perfect.Seriously - you can send me rough drafts for editing."

Wow.

Right away, I asked myself.."Self, do you feel like writing a freaking book?" And then I answered myself (bear with me, I talk to myself a lot. M'kay? M'kay...) "Helltotheyes!" I've wanted to for as long as I can remember!

I'm at an awesome point in my life where I feel that I'm extremely content with all aspects of it. My job is chaotic, but I love everything about it (even the boys I work for!). Friends and family come first because, after all, they are the ones who have kept me semi-sane these last few years. *wink wink* And as for my love life... well, I suppose the best way to describe it is that I have stopped seeking 'love' in the generic definition. There's someone out there for me, I'm sure of it. Have I met him yet? Quite possibly. Who knows? However, I will not rush it. Period. See? Content.

Which brings me to the main point of this post.

It's time for me to break out of the Sherilynn Comfort Zone.

For the last 22.5 years, I have been the reader. I have read thousands of books, no joke. I have them seeping off my book shelf, my night stand, a stack on the floor next to my bed, boxes filled in my shed with books I've read that I'm not ready to let go of yet, etc.

And now, I am ready to be the writer.

*crossing fingers*

Wish me luck!

Re-evaluation.

2008-09-14T20:14:00.000-07:00

I lost my grandpa today. I'm sad for the loss but grateful that he isn't hurting anymore...

When I lost Gina last year, it pushed me to a point in my life where I needed to re-evaluate who I was as a person. Was I happy? If not, then how was I going to change that? Unhappy with my job? Friends? All of these things can be changed. So I began taking baby steps in a direction that would enrich my life. I cut ties with 'anchor' friends that would willingly drag me to the bottom of a piranha infested swamp just to have me involved in their petty drama. I made a drastic change in employment, which bit me in the ass but I'm glad that I did it because it eventually lead me to an even better opportunity.

I've taken a few months to plant my feet in the 'okay' happiness I've had, not ready to make any tweaks or adjustments to my life. Until now. :)

If something makes me happy, I'm going to do it. (As long as it isn't illegal.. heh..) I will be more cautious about who I surround myself with, no more dating just to fill 'voids'. My words of kindness will flow more easily to my friends and family. And when I say something, I will mean it - good or bad.

*deep sigh*

Bed time.

Mishaps happen... to me.

2008-09-03T12:46:00.000-07:00

Stuff happens to me. I'm not sure why. Quite possibly because I have such a unique look on life. Disasters in my life are always bloggable and I am able to pull the humor out of the most stressful situations.

Last Week: I was getting ready to go out to dinner. I parked my car in front of Cousin J's house. I had the flashers on... I returned to the car a bit later and it was dead. *egads* She lent me her car to go to dinner. Her friend-boy, our girly friend Amberly and the neighbor attempted to jump start my car. No bueno. It had to be pushed back to my place. The next day I got a new battery and installed it, no problem.

::fastforward a few hours::

During the drive out to Corona to see my brother and sister -in-law before picking up the kids, I noticed that my car was overheating. AHHH!! I pulled over as quickly as I could and called AAA to come rescue me. I got out of the car to pop the hood and noticed that there was anti-freeze splattered all over the hood of my car. *groan* I patiently sat in the car and waited for the tow truck driver.

He took me to Pep Boys where I was told that if they couldn't fix my car that day (this was the very late afternoon) it would have to wait until morning. Fanfreakintastic. A few hours later, I was informed that all I needed was a new radiator cap. Awesome.

::fastforward a few days:

I attended a BBQ with friends. Somehow, during the duration of the evening... I lost my freaking cell phone. Now, for those who know me, I have a problem with phones. I break them, I lose them, I drop them, etc. Some would say I commit "phone abuse" almost on a daily basis.

...Ok, I can't talk about this anymore. I'm having flash backs and cold sweats...

Gardening Guppies

2008-08-15T20:08:00.000-07:00

I am really confused. Quite honestly, I'm not sure how to even address the newest issue in my household. I feel betrayed.

No one told me that my new guppies have been gardening behind my back.

I opened the tank to feed the fish. I noticed something that resembeled an alfalfa sprout sticking out of the rocks in the bottom of the tank. Wha'...? There are no live plants in the tank, only plastic obvious-fake looking ones. So I thought!

After staring at this little live plant swaying happily in the fish poop water, I plucked it out.

A tomato plant. Growing. In the bottom. Of my fish tank.

The "I Didn't Do It" Bear

2008-08-11T15:38:00.001-07:00

This idea is going to make me filthy rich. I'm already working on the patent, so don't try stealing it.

This last week, I have been a "Stay At Home Mom". I have to say, I don't know how my girlyfriends do it. (Bless your hearts Kadi & Amberly.)

During my SAHM stint, I've learned a lot about my children. The top five statements that I have heard are (in no particular order):

*I didn't do it.
* That wasn't me.
* That's not my mess.
*I picked that up already, how did it get back on the floor?
And my all time favorite...
*It was her. ::pointing to another child::

My children still believe that I have eyes on the back of my head. That I see all/know all. I can not smudge this illusion by not following through on my "Iknowthat'syourmessIsawyou! Pickitup!" bluffs.

This is where the "I Didn't Do It" Bear comes in. I'm thinking he can be a nannycam only for naughty children. :) He seems innocent enough with his ruffled fur and patches. But, ah... What may resemble a crooked princes tiara on top of his head is actually a digital video recorder. (Bear..heh heh.. with me. I know nothing about technology beyond my cell phone and television remote.)

I'm going to have bears all over my house! I will now know who snuck the fruit snacks, who missed the trash can with the PB&J sandwich, how the fish tank water managed to slosh out of the tank onto the table all by itself, and how in the world the entire box of Q-Tips ended up floating inside the toilet.

*PING! IDEA!*

Know what would be SO awesome? Being able to print out photos of my children in action! Just imagine...

Me: WHO SPILLED APPLE JUICE INSIDE THE FRIDGE!!??

Chorus of angles: Not me Mommy!

I would then be able to present the children with the evidence!! I'm giddy with the idea! Not only will I have eyes on the back of my head but now a camera also.

Time Out Feet

2008-08-11T12:42:00.001-07:00

These are Time Out Feet. When placing a child in Time Out, one must ponder proper placement of said child to ensure complete cooperation with the Time Out Rules.

Time Out Rules

1. Child shall not be placed in front of anything entertaining such as a television.

2. Child must be placed within ear shot of the Time Out Giver.

3. Child shall not be allowed to be within arms reach of toys.

4. Child shall not be given the right to engage with other children not in Time Out.

5. Child shall be made to use the potty before the timer is started for the Time Out session.

Don't ask me for details regarding what she did, I'm still in the recovery process. It involved pumpkin seeds, coffee and the dust buster.

I am suffering from Chick-Fight-Frazzle

2008-08-10T11:08:00.000-07:00

I have zero sisters and a whole lotta brothers. I don't understand chick fights. As a kid, I fought like a boy. We would slug it out and the last one standing won. *blink blink* I don't think that my mom even heard us half the time... She would manuever around us with the laundry basket and not even bat an eye. My dad would rub his temples and mutter things like "Good grief...".

Now that I have girls, I have been introduced to a whole new realm of sibling bickering. And I have learned that girls are nasty fighters - they spew hateful, ugly things aiming for the heart. It's almost...eh.. entertaining in a really disgusting UFC kinda way.

Here is my Sunday so far.

8:00 am : Maddie scolding Catherine about chewing with her mouth open. Catherine, to disgust Maddie even more, allowed her watermelon slobber to dribble down her face and puddle on the table. Maddie called her a piglet, Catherine called her a fat pigface.Ouch!!

8:27 am: I wanted a few moments of peace and quiet so I snuck outside with my coffee and the paper. Inside the house a chick fight smackdown ensued. I heard a loud smack and then Maddie ran out the back door crying to show me her battle wound which, actually, was pretty brutal. Catherine has tiny little hands but they pack quite a whollop! Across Maddie's back was a welt that was raised and hot to the touch. Catherine appeared at the back door with a nasty scowl on her face and a whole lotta attitude. As they each tried to explain why Maddie had the tar beaten out of her they got louder.. and louder AND L O U D E R.

I calmly set my coffee down and gave them both The Look™. If you are familiar with The Look™, it's enough to make the hair on the back of your neck stand up. One's eyes go glassy, mouth set in a straight line, teeth clenched, a hint of a scowl and one eyebrow raised to the hairline. (-_-) It means: I H A V E H A D E N O U G H.

I put my hand up ala' Moses style and closed my eyes. I then said in the most firm & calming voice I could manage, "Catherine. If you hit Madison again, I am going to allow her to hit you back and then you are going to clean her bedroom. Do you understand that?" Catherine put her hands on her hips and threw Maddie an evil glare. Maddie's turn... "Madison, if you antagonize Catherine just to get a reaction out of her, I am going to allow her to rifle through your jewelry box and pick something to wear for the day." (Maddie HATES sharing her jewelry.)

*insert satisfied mommy smile here...briefly*

Catherine, obviously only hearing one portion of my speech stuck her tongue at Maddie and shoved her saying "I'mma go get your pearl necklace to wear." Madison, having been shoved, smacked Catherine on the back. ::groan:: Catherine smacked Maddie back. Maddie smacked Catherine back.

Now, I know that I should have probably should have stepped in at this point, but I couldn't. My mouth was hanging open and I had somehow forgotten how to speak. I pointed to them both and then pointed to the house. "Inside" was all I could manage.

I heard a door slam from one of the bedrooms and little girl filth fill the air.

Madison: I hate you! You're the worst sister ever! I wish Mom never had you!
Catherine: You're a butthole! A stinky stinky butthole girl!
Madison: Butthole's a bad word, that makes you a bad girl for saying it!
Catherine: I'm notta bad girl, you are a bad girl!
Madison: I'mma tell mom you put your hand in the fish tank this morning!
Catherine: Did not, liar!
Madison: I'm not lying, you are! Liar!
Catherine: Liar!

There was some serious door slamming after this, muffled cries and "Ihatechew's" filling the air.

::slurping lukewarm coffee::

It's been a Hurricane Maddie & Tornado Catherine morning thus far. I've only made it through two pages of the paper, there's sticky watermelon juice on the kitchen floor, water on the table in front of the fish tank *scowl* and my ears are still ringing from the chick fight. I'm frazzled.

Rotten Apple

2008-08-06T08:31:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: This is a rant, not my normal kinda blog. I will be using comparisons that will make sense to some and not to others. If you are not knowledgeable about the content, please do not leave a comment. All that will do is irritate me more. Thank you. On with the show!

I had a very interesting day yesterday. It was my first day on a temp job through a very well known agency. For this blog, I will refer to them as "Rotten Apple".

Rotten Apple placed me with an escrow company in the area. I did a little bit of research online and discovered that said escrow company specialized in Real Estate Foreclosures. I contacted R.A. and explained to my "agent" that I have Z E R O experience with Real Estate REO's. She said that the company actually wanted an Escrow Officer but were willing to settle with an assistant. That I would be making follow-up telephone calls etc. She stated that the escrow company had my resume and knew what to expect of me. Fine.

I showed up to escrow, completely under qualified and unprepared for what lay ahead of me...

First of all, it was a clusterf**k. I have never seen such disarray and chaos in what should be a very controlled environment, in my opinion. Files everywhere. Stacks of them on the floor, on desks, spilling out of filing cabinets, papers everywhere. A folder of "homeless" checks that no one was able to place with the correct escrow. Woah. At 8:15 in the freaking morning, the phone was ringing off the hook. There were 16 lines and at several points throughout the day each and every one of them were lit up. Imagine the stock exchange only on an 'escrow high'.

So I meet with the "head honcho". She explains to me that 'the girls' are going to be giving me work, namely escrow instructions and packaging docs. She asked me if I was familiar with "Streamline", their escrow software. I told her that I was not. She seemed a bit peeved and mumbled that she asked Rotten Apple to only place her with candidates who were. Lovely.

I am placed with two girls, both escrow assistants. They are handing me new escrows and asking me to type escrow instructions concurrently. My response was "If you have a few minutes to run through Streamline with me, I can take notes and start working on them for you." They look at each other then back at me. "You aren't familiar with Streamline...?" No, I said...

They then decide to teach me how to 'package docs' (escrow instructions). Mind you, I have Z E R O experience with real estate escrow instructions, have NO clue what needs to be attached, am confused by all the freaking hands in the pot: Selling Agent, Listing Agent, Buyer, Broker, Seller (being the bank that foreclosed on the property) and Lender. I was given a brief "staple this to this but not this and sometimes this" run thru. Once the docs were stapled, I took them to my desk and took notes - what goes to who etc. Which ones to email, which ones to fax, who doesn't get copies of zone disclosures etc. At this point, my head is spinning and it's only 9:30 am.

I am then handed 11 new escrows to open. Awesome, this I can do!! I grab take sheets, some more coffee, white out and a rubber finger tip. Time to get to work... I'm digging through a fistfull of loose papers trying to make sense of it all, filling in the take sheets the best I can and asking questions as I go along. Finally, one of the girls whose brain I was picking decided to ask me what everyone else was wondering..

Her: Aren't you an escrow officer? *narrowing eyes*

Me: No, I'm not. I worked as an escrow assistant for 4 years though. This is my first experience with Real Estate, I did Personal Property Escrows. I'm a fast learner though. :D

Her: It's pretty much the same, isn't it?

Me: Actually.... no. *blink blink* Not at all. I worked with manufactured homes. (I think all she heard was 'trailers'.)

Her:Well...What CAN you do? I don't have time to train you on our software.

Me: I will do all of your filing, escrow openings and will try to filter your phone calls the best I can.

Her: Okay, call the listing agents and find out when we will get the deposits on these files. *hands me an armful of files* And ask about the vesting so you can type the escrow instructions. (Wha...?) Oh, and make sure to get ahold of title to get new prelims. (WHAT in the HELL is a PRELIM!?!) Also, make sure to record the Order #, the Escrow # and the REO # on the jacket of the file.

I nodded and took the files back to my desk.

Another girl said that she overheard the conversation and that she too thought 'escrow was escrow'.

Me: Not at all. You can escrow things besides stick built homes. I did Mfd. Home Dealer escrows, where the Dealer is the seller in the escrow... the 'seller' aka registered owner is more of a lien holder.

Her #2: They do escrows for that??

Me: *blink blink* Yes... They do escrows for those, for private party sells, even for cattle at some places. Escrow isn't just for stick built homes.

Her #2: *frown* Humph. ::turns around and continues to work::

*SIGH*

Lunch time, thank goodness.

I run to 7-11, grab two rubbery taquitos and a Diet Coke. (O_o) Yum.

I had thoughts of just spending the rest of my day in the parking lot, sitting in my hot car doing a crossword puzzle...

When I returned to my desk I had messages waiting for me from agents I had called. They were asking me questions regarding their escrows that I was completely unable to answer and had to ask if I could call them back. (Note: Agents are not nice.)

Time for me to pester the 'smart girls' in the office again.

Me: The listing agent wants to know what the difference in the fees will be if her client decides to do a 10-31 exchange.

Her: Give her the fees off the list. *buries her head back in the 6 inch thick file*

Me: Okay.

I sit at the desk. I look to my left and there is chaos. In front of me, chaos. Behind me there's a meek little thing being trained by a foul-mouthed, hot-tempered woman.

At this point in the day, I am feeling completely helpless. I am watching these girls hustle about the office, practically shoving each other out of the way at the copier (Yes, 30 girls. One copier.) and there isn't a damn thing I can do to help relieve their stress! *whimper* No one had the time to even give me the password to get INTO Streamline where I could have tinkered around, looked through the escrow documents to familiarize myself with the verbage, etc.

I spent the rest of the afternoon working on take sheets.

When I ran to my car at 5:02 pm I was fuming. Rotten Apple was fully aware of the fact that I was not familiar with Real Estate Escrows. They sent me in there blind as a bat just to have a warm body sitting in the chair. I felt like a dumbass.

First I talked to Cousin J and girly friend J.G. to get their opinions... Do I call R.A. and tell them that I am not going back to the escrow company? That I was of little use to the girls there, no one had time to train me etc? Yes, they both tell me: Call Rotten Apple.

*R I N G R I N G*

"Rotten Apple, blah blah blah. How can I help you?"

Me: I just finished the first day of my assignment and I need to talk to my agent.

RA: Okay, let me get her for you.

..insert very long wait here..

Agent: Hey, Sheri. What's up...

Me: We need to talk about my day. I left frustrated and very angry with R.A. for sending me in blind as a bat.

Agent: That's a pretty negative attitude, Sheri.

Me: Yea, I know. You were fully aware that I had zero R.E. Escrow experience, yet you told them that you were sending them an escrow officer. Number one, I was an escrow assistant, not an escrow officer. Big difference.

Agent rudely interrupts here: They had your resume, they knew what they were getting.

Me: You don't understand. Just because I worked in escrow does not mean that I am familiar with REO's - it's totally different!!

Agent: You have a bad attitude. I haven't heard back from them, I called to find out how your first day went.

Me: You haven't heard back from them because they didn't even realize I was there today! It was so busy and I felt helpless, I had no clue what was going on! Those girls are buried over there, you need to find them someone who is familiar with REO's - they don't have the time to train me.

Agent: You said you had escrow experience.

Me: *yanking hair out by the roots* I DO!! There are so many different kinds of escrows, not just real estate!!

Agent: Call me at 8:45 tomorrow morning and I will let you know if they want you to come back.

Me: mmm hmm.

::click::

Note To Those Who Know No Better: ESCROW DOES NOT EQUAL ESCROW JUST AS A PASTRY CHEF DOES NOT EQUAL A SUSHI CHEF. GET IT?

Match Closed

2008-08-04T07:32:00.000-07:00

Yes. Again, I have attracted a married man.

I'm not sure that I understand how the penis overrides the brain, but it does. There needs to be more medical research done on this subject, I will give them his phone number as he would make a perfect patient for a "Penis Brain Syndrome" clinical trial.

About a year ago, I joined a dating site called OkCupid. It's kind of like a dating MySpace site, you take test and quizzes and they match you based off of the results. But you can also browse for matches based on location and stats.

This is how "Brstlvr" (YES, I know. I know... I know.) found me. He's 42, lives about 15 minutes from me and said he was divorced. We've been chatting by email for the last 3 months or so. A few weeks ago, I gave him my phone number. We have had numerous chats. I even asked him "You aren't married...right?" He emphatically insisted that he wasn't.

So.

Yesterday I received a call from him. I wasn't in the mood to talk so I sent him to voice mail. A few hours later, after things had calmed down and the kids were sleeping, I called him back. A woman answered. The conversation was short.

Her: Hello?

Me: ... hello...?

Her: Hello?

Me: *checking phone to make sure I called the right number*

::pause::

Me: *jaw dropping* hang up phone

A few seconds later his phone calls me back. No way in HELL I'm answering it! I wait. *ping* Voice mail.

With shaking hands, I listen.

"Hi Sheri, this is Sue... Wayne's wife. I'm not sure why you are calling his phone, but I want you to know that he's married."

I couldn't forward the message to Cousin J and girly friend JG fast enough!

I then sent the following text message to his phone:

'Married huh? Groan... Perhaps you should stay off dating sites, Wayne. Do not ever email me or call me again. In OkCupid lingo, you are dead to me - match closed.'

I wake up this morning to a missed call and a voice mail from Sue. She gave me her phone number and asked that I call her, she has a few questions for me.

My womanly duty never ends. *sigh* I am going to call her back today and then forward her a few of the emails he and I exchanged.

Thank GOODNESS I never met him in person. In fact, we were supposed to meet for coffee this week so I'm glad this happened before hand.

*slurping coffee*

I don't even know what else to say. For all the Hugh's, Jesse's and Wayne's out there... ihatechew.

Everything happens for a reason!

2008-07-19T08:18:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was an odd day. I got laid off for the first time ever. Egh. It really wasn't shocking but it shocked me nonetheless. Make sense? We are in a recession and unfortunately, the company I work for relies on the sale of their homes to be the bread and butter. No sales, time for layoffs. I wasn't the first to go and I'm sad thinking I am probably not the last either.

After hugging my supervisor, I sat in my car and cried for a few moments. I cried for her, isn't that odd? I know how difficult it was for her to have to tell me and I let her know that I understood the circumstances.

Then I picked up my kiddos, came home, made them an awesome dinner, played X-Box with them, bath time, bed time... and then spent several hours reading "How To Stop Worrying & Start Living" by Dale Carnegie. (-- Perfect timing on the majority of the true stories in there, btw...)

And here I am. Third cup of coffee. Polishing up my resume to post on monster.

My current employer has been kind enough to keep me on for an additional 2 weeks so that I can find another job. What kind of job am I going to get? I have no clue. I've been in the industry for almost 10 years and the thought of venturing outside of it is scary as hell. Problem is, the economy is so crappy right now that I don't believe that I have a choice but to do so.*eek*

Everything happens for a reason. My current job pretttttttty much sucks fuzzy donkey parts. I love the company, hate my job. So they are actually doing me a favor I suppose. There isn't anywhere else within the company for me to move so leaving it is.

Am I worried? Of course... I've got 3 angels to support. But I know that I will find something. I'm not above wiping down tables and emptying trash cans to take care of my kids.

My coffee's cold, gotta go.

Dirty little secret.

2008-07-14T18:33:00.000-07:00

Memo to men: WE DON'T GET YOU EITHER

I'm not sure what kind of woman-law I'm breaking by divulging that tidbit of information, but there you have it. I'm willing to suffer the consequences, someone had to tell you! And what better women then moi?

I know that women are supposed to have super-natural powers. After all, we have eyes on the back of our head and can foresee the future.

But, dagnabbit... We can't figure you out! There are lots of things that we can't seem to wrap our brains around, but here are a few important ones that you must know.

What The X Chromosome Doesn't Understand About The Y Chromosome

*Why you freak out when we cry. Unless you called us fat, it's probably not your fault. In other words, you are the good guy - embrace the moment!! And if you'd like to stay the good guy, hug us and pretend that we look adorable with raccoon eyes.

*The lack of communication. Women need to feel connected to their mate and communication is the key. (Write that down for future reference.

Communication = Key to our parts... eh.. hearts.) If you ignore us for a few days and then want to "coddle", it's not happening. We don't make out with strangers, get it?

*Sports. Period. Basketball, blah. Baseball, blah. Racing, blah. Hockey, blah. Bloody UFC fights, double blah. Listen, to make it fair - for every sporting event you subject us to, you have to watch a chick flick with us. Fair? Fair.

*How you can call the house 'clean' when it hasn't been swept, vacuumed, mopped or dusted. Placing the newspaper into a tidy pile does not constitute clean. (Write that one down too, it will come in handy the next time your mother in law visits!)

You're welcome.

Now tell her you're sorry for what ever you did or didn't do.

C.B.D.

2008-07-11T13:42:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a “cry baby day” for me.

I don’t have CBD’s very often, my skin has grown thick over the years and I’ve learned to let things just roll off my dainty shoulders.

Not yesterday though. *blink blink*

The worst part about it all was the water works turned on at work at about 8:45 a.m. and didn’t shut completely off until about 10:15 p.m.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to hide this kind of episode from your co-workers?

Me: *sniff*

JG: Wassa’ matter Sunshine?

Me: I think I’m gettin’ a cold.

JG: Oh, okay.

Me: *sniff*

JG: That sucks that you are getting sick.

Me: *sniff* Yep. ::dabbing eyes with rough toilet paper::

JG: …are you … crying? *blink blink*

Me: ::water works on full blast::

JG: What is it? *concerned look*

Me: WAHHHHH!!!!

Yea… so that’s pretty much how my entire day went. One cry baby episode after another. (O_o)

I must say though, I slept like a (cry)baby!

Life Is Too Short To:

2008-07-05T19:27:00.000-07:00

Fight with family

Not give love another chance

Hate your job

Regret your past

Not blog about horrible first dates

Withhold compliments

Waste sunshine

Dream & not do

Let your toes go unpolished

Worry about what you can't control

Expend extra energy on foes

Forget your neighbor's name

Not forgive & forget

Dear Lying Boys

2008-07-04T14:12:00.000-07:00

Dear Lying Boys,

I've reached a milestone in my dating "career" and I've decided that there's no better time then now to lay down some rules.

* Under no circumstance is it okay to lie about your marital status. Engaged = married in my book. And I have NO problem spilling the beans to your wife/fiancee/girl friend.

* If you are missing any noticeable appendages, please forewarn me. It's the polite thing to do.

* NEVER brag about how much money you make on a first date. Otherwise, I will be forced to order the most expensive items on the menu.

* Lying about your height is a no-no. If I can look you in the eyes while in flip flops, you are not 5'6". You are a semi-midget who wears garanimals from Wal-Mart.

* However thick headed you may be, please take notice of my body language. The "Deflect A Jerk" stance is as follows: Arms folded squarely across my chest, head tilted at an unflattering angle & a scowl smeared across my forehead. Trying to kiss me will only get you hurt.

* CHEW WITH YOUR MOUTH SHUT. Seriously, I can't believe I have to even say that but... there it is. There's nothing more disgusting then seeing your half chewed pastrami sandwich from across the table.

* Speaking poorly of your ex's will only add you to my "Jerks to blog about" list. I don't do it, you shouldn't either.

* Answering your cell phone during dinner is rude. If you do this to me, I will be texting the following to my Cousin J & my girly friend J.G. from the rest room : I think I hate him a little bit. Help..!

* Sex is not appropriate dinner conversation. ESPECIALLY on a first date. ..rude rude rude..

* Know that I do an intrusive background investigation on each one of you. If you've been in trouble, I'm going to find it. ;) Not only am I nosy as to your behavior in the past, but I'm curious about what you may be on probation for currently.

* When there are painful lags in the conversation, please do not leave it to me to fill the gaps. Unless you want to hear about how much I love my garden, think of something to say quickly.

* DO NOT SCORE ME while on the phone (augh) during dinner with your friend. Hearing "Oh, I'd give her a 7 1/2 on looks and... uh... ::insert eye googling my boobs face here::... a 9 on personality, making her an 8 3/4" is not okay!

* Getting wasted on a first date is unacceptable behavior. Going to the bathroom to powder my nose is potentially going to end in me burning rubber on my way out of the parking lot while you nurse your 7th beer waiting for my return.

And for the love of everything holy, do NOT ask me how many dates we have to go on before you get to see me naked. >.<

Dear Bacardi:

2008-06-15T10:44:00.000-07:00

Dear Bacardi:

The time we spent together was wonderful. I have many fond (fuzzy) memories with you, but I have decided that we just aren't compatible anymore... I must end our long-term relationship.

As Summer nears, I have thought of you often. What fun we had! Yet I've come to the conclusion that you are a sneaky bastard, often stealing my memories, inhibitions and ballerina-like coordination... rendering me a babbling idiot who flirts with any Y chromosome and can't figure out how to even tie her own shoes. For shame!

Should you have any doubts about the mischief I have tolerated from you, please see below.

Exhibit A

The Sheri Ping Pong Machine: While the inebriated voice mail I left Cousin J. was the highlight of the next family gathering, I could have gotten seriously hurt, bouncing off the walls like a damn ping pong ball. And cooking zucchini that late at night was your stupid idea, not mine.

Cave woman Sheri: I was officially stripped of my dignity & class as I pummeled through a plate of pasta with my bare hands because I was unable to properly use an eating utensil like a grown woman. This happened in front of several people and in the back of my mind I can hear you snickering at me still.

Baker Sheri: There are certain things Bacardi, that you should have never been a part of. Candy making, for example. Why you thought it was okay to assist me in helping Cousin J. make peanut brittle is beyond me. And then you left me to help pick the hardened candy out of her pretty kitchen rug and off the walls. Although, you did help numb the sensation of being burned by 315 degree candy lava, so I suppose we are even.

Clumsy Sheri: One of your favorite means of mischief often left me asking for band-aids and peroxide from any kind soul. Really, pushing me down the stairs was uncalled for. And even worse yet, pushing me up the stairs! Clever though, I must admit. My knees will never be the same.

Phone Breaking Sheri: I (with your assistance) managed to plow through cell-phones as if they were free! In a matter of 6 months I had 3 cellphones. Very funny. *scowl* Shall we talk about the time you hid it in my closet and then threw up on my shoes?

Social-Butterfly Sheri: I was pretty shy before. While your intentions were good hearted, bringing me out of my shell often left me spewing apologies the next morning to complete strangers! And no one wants to have to piece their night back together by checking the text messages on their cell phone... And who in their right mind poses with the Jell-O lady at the fair? Yes, Bacardi... You and I.

Shower Sheri: A close cousin of Clumsy Sheri, Shower Sheri is far more important in mentioning as this Sheri happened at Cousin J's house. I went into the bathroom specifically to use the potty, only to end up half in / half out of the bathtub with huge bruises on the backside of my legs and a goose egg on my melon. I had a hard time sitting for days, thanks to you!

Dog Walker Sheri: Having a dog really did damage our relationship. Remember the night the power went out and Remi needed to go potty outside? Apparently she heard the Edison chumps outside and decided she wanted to snack on them. We were trying to get a flash light out from under the kitchen sink, Remi ran around our feet and tripped us with her leash. Once again, you helped numb the sensation of smacking my face off the side of the kitchen sink, thank you. However, I believe my clumsiness would have scored a 2 instead of a 10 that night on the Sherifalldownmeter if it wasn't for you.

That's quite the shiner. Thanks for giving it to me the night before a first date....

In conclusion, I think I hate you Bacardi. While the times that we had together were fun, you just aren't worth the boo-boos anymore. Go find some other light-weight to bully around, I'm finished with you.

Signed:

P.S. ~ You taste like caca, I don't know why I ever loved you!!

**INSERT HUMONGOUS SHOUT-OUT TO COUSIN J AS THIS POST WAS HER BRAINCHILD!! XXXOOO ♥**

Beware of Hugh!!

2008-05-20T21:28:00.000-07:00

Aye aye aye.

So... this whole "online dating thing" is insane. (Wait, haven't I said that before...?) I've met some really nice guys who have become my friends now, but so far nothing romantic... I don't think. Sheesh, I don't know.

So, anyhow...A while back, I joined eHarmony. It was recommended by a handful of people who all knew someone who had luck on the site. Great!! NOT.>=[ Holy freakin' crap.

So I was talking to this one guy... Oh, let's just call him Hugh from Westminster, shall we? He's 38, recruiter for the Navy etc. We meet for a bit after work last week at a restaurant near my house. He seems totally cool, but something disturbed the little thing in me known as woman's intuition. Not sure what it was...? OH!! Perhaps the way that he freakin' attacked me with his mouth after only talking for like, a half hour?! *full body shudder* ::insert dry heave here::Anyhowwwwwwwwwww........ yesterday he sent me a text message saying "How about a swim after work?" Wha'....?! I sent him a message back saying "Have kids, no can do." That was the end of it... so I thought!!*DUN DUN DUN*

I had a missed call this morning from Krista, Hugh's 5 month pregnant girlfriend....!!!!!! HOLY SHITBALLS!! So, yea. I called her back... Poor thing.*shaking head* The worst part?? She met him on eHarmony!!! AUGH!!Anyhow, Hugh's havin' a really bummer night I bet - since I copy and pasted his eHarmony profile into an email to Krista.:D

Thank sweet mother of everything holy for my girl friend Julie... I was shaking when I heard the voice mail and she was like "OMG. It's cool, it's happened to me lots of times. Let's go outside so you can call her back. Don't forget to tell her that he kissed you...!" LMAO

Yea. So. I'm officially "taking a break from dating" again.

It hurt my feelings.

Here's what E-Harmony has to say about me.

2008-05-16T14:22:00.000-07:00

After answering about 500 questions (no joke), here's what E-Harmony has to say about me.
The good and the not so good. Ü

The Good:

A General Description of How You Interact with Others

Here's one important truth about you: you have a tender heart.

Yes, you know that others need to learn to take care of themselves. Yes, you know they need to accept the consequences of their foolish or bad behavior. And sometimes, even when your instinct is to help them, you will let them fend for themselves and let them suffer the consequences of their choices or circumstances.But most of the time you are there to help when they need you. If they are in trouble, you offer compassion and go out of your way to be helpful. If they need someone who will listen, you are trustworthy and sympathetic. And you are direct with them; when they need advice or counsel, you offer it in a straightforward, direct manner, without beating around the bush.

You're also smart enough to know that you cannot take good care of others if you fail to take good care of yourself, so you listen to your own wants and needs. If you've run out of sympathetic energy, you spend time restoring yourself. If you've ignored your own pain or frustration, you find a friend who will listen well, or go into your own private healing place and give yourself permission to focus on you. But before long, you're back at it with your friends, offering a sympathetic ear and compassion on which they learn to trust, also giving straightforward advice and counsel when they ask for it. You do know how to take care of yourself, but your genuine interest is in taking care of others.

Words that describe you:
Understanding
Unquestioning
Humane
Selfless
Gentle
Kindhearted
Gullible
Indulgent

The Not So Good:

Negative Reactions Others May Have Toward You
Selfish people might be embarrassed by you. While they're using their time and energy almost exclusively on themselves, they see you giving time to others, and your kindness puts them in a bad light.Maybe they'll think you're a phony, that you use your altruism to get others indebted to you so they'll then owe you a favor. Or perhaps they'll accuse you, directly or behind your back, of focusing on the needs of others so no one ever focuses on your foibles or your genuine wounds.All of these are false accusations; yours is a genuine compassion, because you truly have a tender heart. One criticism might be more substantial, though. People might notice when you let things get out of balance and spend so much time responding to others that you neglect your own needs.Perhaps it's true to some extent that you are more comfortable when the focus is on someone else's needs than when you and your needs are front and center, and this may be a criticism worth paying attention to.

♥Gina♥

2008-05-15T20:28:00.000-07:00

This month is the one year anniversary of my friend Gina's death.

Rather then a sad, dreadful funeral her family threw a "Celebration of Life" in her honor on the beach. It was everything Gina loved: live Jamaican music, cocktails, BBQ, and lots of friends and family! I asked my cousin J. to go with me because I had never been to anything like that before. I felt almost guilty enjoying the ocean breeze, the cocktails etc. without having Gina there... But it was what she wanted and it...was...her. Towards the end of the evening her brother Jerry and her dad Jerry Sr. had a slide show of Gina's short life... I laughed through tears. Seeing her with the 80's hair do was awesome. And in the Girl Scout uniform..OH! How I laughed. What a wonderful, vibrant but short life she lived.

A week later, her boyfriend had a disco party at his home in Gina's honor. (Such a fun girl she was!!) I met her friends. Her family. Her nurses from the hospital. Everyone willing to boogie in disco garb for her! :D I had never worn 4 inch heel boots before... with a hot pink mini-skirt and fake eyelashes to boot. Oh my, I can only imagine that G was giggling like crazy at my desperate attempt to be a 'girl'. HA HA HA. I miss her husky, infectious laugh.

When people pass away, we tend to remember only the good things about them. In this case though, that's all there is to remember. Gina was genuine with a heart the loved unconditionally and friendship that was to last forever. Even during her hardest times here on earth, at the points when she was barely able to walk, she was still a devoted friend, a devout believer in God and an inspiration to all who met her. About a week before she passed away I sent her a text message that said "I love you, Gina." She called me and said, "Your message made me almost cry, I love you too!" And then we talked about her recent trip to Hawaii. We laughed, even though she wasn't able to talk long because her body was just exhausted. That was the last time I talked to her.

May 29th 2007 will forever hold a special place in my heart. It's the day that we lost a precious soul on earth, but they gained a beautiful angel in Heaven.

I miss you silly Gina Renee McKinish. XXXOOO
11/21/69 - 05/29/07

Happiness Is A Journey

Happiness is a journey, not a destination.
Dance as though no one is watching you.
Love as though your have never been hurt before.
Sing as though no one can hear you.
Live as though Heaven is on earth.

Father Alfred D'Souza

Words Of Womanly Wisdom

2008-05-06T19:59:00.000-07:00

Dear *insert ex-boyfriends name here*,

I think that you have just broken the tip off the iceberg with what you actually want to say to her. But, you are on the right track as far as I am concerned. I think that you are doing the right thing by thinking through things first before speaking them to her.

I've been through divorce so I can sympathize with the confusion she is undoubtably feeling right now. With everything that is going on, I can guarantee that she is feeling some of the following. She doesn't want to be married to *Greg anymore, that's obvious. Divorce is by far the most stressful thing that I have ever gone through. It's so easy for someone to say "just get divorced" if they haven't actually had to live through it. I remember thinking about halfway through that I wasn't sure if I'd have any sanity left when it was finished, honestly. It feels as if the walls are closing in on you. There's court, fighting, intrusive questions that she will have to answer, bickering lawyers, an impartial judge etc. They will have to divide their debt, property, dishes even. And as horrid as it is being married to someone you don't love, it almost seems to be a better option at points then to have your life nosed through by attorneys and a judge. It's disarming and invasive, intrusive almost - having to bare your flaws to strangers. *shudder*

I was fortunate enough to have had someone in my life at the time who was able to be my foundation through it all. Although I rushed into that relationship with blinders on, I'm glad I did it. It was well worth the time invested, good and bad. And that's the kind of "friend" that I would like to see you being to *Robin. Rather then having her make the decision as to what she wants regarding love, be her friend. Let her get through the divorce. Then things will be able to blossom from there. While I believe that you need to tell her what's on your mind, don't do it all at once!! Remember? Women freakin' dart like rabid jack rabbits when we feel we're being cornered. Not that you would ever intentionally "corner" her, but I know how impatient you are. Just take a deep breath and step back for a moment. You don't want to smother her, it won't do anything but cause her to panic.

There isn't any rush to profess your love to her, honestly. Time's on your side, you know? That's something I've learned these last few months. I have no reason to be in a rush with life or love anymore. It's literally time to stop and smell the roses, walk on the beach and feel the sand between my toes, appreciate the small stuff. Everything else in life is just icing on the cake... If it's meant to happen, it will. And I know that you aren't spiritual, but I believe that situations like this are out of our hands and in someone biggers. ;) I'm glad to be able to give you my "womanly words of wisdom".

Love,
Sheri

SQUEALING

2008-05-06T11:46:00.000-07:00

...I hate keeping secrets. Mostly when they are good ones, but secrets nonetheless.
I got a phone call from one of my brothers yesterday with some awesome news and
I don't think I'm allowed to say anything yet. ::biting lip::

Well, I kinda already did. I told my co-workers because they don't know my family. Uhm, and I told my mom... and my new guy friend who we shall call "Harley" for the purpose of this blog.

*pondering* Oh, yes. And I told my former co-workers... and a cousin... and....

Uh-Oh.

=X

Eating sand.

2008-05-04T20:42:00.001-07:00

Yesterday, I took the kids to the local beach. Jay escorted me as she is in much need of some sun... *grin*

It's been about a year since we have been to the beach. I'm not sure why as we live only a few miles from the beautiful shark-infested water.

Bryan had a "sugar hangover" from spending the night at his friend's house the night before, so he laid on the sand face first, fully clothed the entire time.

Madison and Jay were the only two brave enough to actually get into the water. *grimace* It was awesome watching them, Jay jumping over the waves and Maddie getting knocked over and landing face first in the sea foam. The ocean replaced any "punishment" I would have considered for Maddie sassing off, nothing better then a mouth full of sea water. *gagola*

Catherine was hysterical, her little bird legs running through the sand as fast as she could manage to bring me a "perty shell" she had discovered. Only, each time she ran to me she managed to kick a lb. of sand into my Diet Dr. Pepper. *blink blink*...

She begged me for a drink, she got it... ALL yours, honey!! ;)

Boy toys are NOT for girls!!

2008-05-04T20:10:00.000-07:00

*scowl*So... Bryan owns a few "swords". Plastic ones, ones that light up and make noise and a wooden one... He's a boy, it's natural I suppose...

Tonight, Catherine strolled over to the couch and questioned , "Hey Mommy, is dis a real s-word?" I was engrossed in matching socks (I'll be damned if I have 50 strays right now!) and said "Mmmhmmm." Catherine blinked... looked at the wooden sword in her hand and asked, "What happen' if I cut you wiff it?" I looked up under the mound of lonely socks and said, "I will spank you with it. And then you will have splinters on your butt." Obviously the fear of splinters in her toosh didn't deter her. She swiped it across my leg which left a red welt.I wailed, "Catherine GRACE!! What was that for?" Her little lip quivered, she dropped the sword to the living room floor and said, " I was diven' you spwintas ferst!"I snagged the sword off the newly shampooed floor (random I know, just had to throw in the fact that I busted my butt cleaning kid stains out of the carpet all day...) and put it inside the kids closet.

A few minutes later, I hear SAWING noises coming from the kids bedroom...Wha' the..?! I dump my mismatched socks on the floor as I leap off the couch and pounce into the bedroom.GOOD GRIEF.There's Madison, sitting on the top bunk watching some over-rated mermaid t.v. show while coloring a masterpiece... And then, there's Catherine. Attempting to saw Maddie's dresser in half with the wooden sword.I don't know how she got it off the top shelf in the closet.There isn't a step stool in their room, there isn't any transportable furniture, and for crimeny sakes!! Madison (AKA - The Informer) is 5 feet away from her!!

For now, I'm locking the wooden sword in the shed. Let her try to get it out of there...

Some Assembly Required

2008-04-13T10:17:00.000-07:00

It's hotter then hades this weekend. I don't have A/C, therefore I have a plethera of fans. My favorite box fan bit the dust yesterday, it actually sparked, smoked and then stunk up the house.

This is how I ended up at Lowe's. Mind you, Wal-Mart is in the same parking lot but it's always SO jammed I avoid the place at all costs. The kids and I stand in the fan aisle looking like... Well, like a bunch of girls in a guy store. I find a pretty fan. Mistake #1. Who cares what it looks like as long as it blows air, ya know? Gack.

The fan weighs 110lbs and on the box it says "some assembly required". I don't own a screwdriver, I use butter knives. Mistake #2.

Maddie and I lug the fan to the car. The trunk won't close, so we drive home with it open. We then drag the box up the stairs into the house. Already, I hate the pretty fan.

I open the box. I turn it upside down and dump all of the pieces out. Screws the size of ants, no joke.

The directions are only 4 pages long, no biggie! So I thought... It took me 2 hours to assemble the blasted fan. I actually cried out of frustration! I have a bruise the size of a golfball on my thigh. My hands are tore the *F* up. My butterknife is bent at an odd angle now and guess what? THE FAN DOESN'T FREAKIN' WORK!

So... I am not going to dissasemble the pretty fan, take it back to Lowe's to get my $100 back and go to Wal-Mart.

May the force be with me.

Welcome to the Winder clan Sarah! ♥

2008-04-03T19:52:00.000-07:00

http://abclocal. go. com/kabc/story?section=news/business&id=6058960

My little brother Charlie & my to-be sister in law Sarah were supposed to fly to Hawaii for their wedding... They are stranded here until Sunday because ATA filed for BK!!!! OH NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =*(

Here's one of the local news clips with Sarah's mom talking...

Please hold while I cry.

*insert sobs here*

Love you Charlie & Sarah!! XXXOOO

P.S. Welcome to the Winder family Sarah...♥

My 4th Child

2008-03-30T17:00:00.000-07:00

I garden. It's the nerd in me. (That and reading anything I can get my hot little hands on!) It's a passion that started at a young age and has only flourished these last 4 years or so.

Flowers are of no interest to me, really... I garden veggies. *smaken lips*

Catherine and I started the garden in mid-February. Lemon cucumbers, yellow tomatoes, early girl tomatoes, grape tomatoes & squash. MMM! We start everything from seeds which, yes, takes more time to be able to harvest but it's worth the wait.

My garden is my 4th child. I tend to it every day. Pulling weeds so they don't choke the hell out of my veggies, watering & leveling the soil . The plants start in terra cotta pots that can fit into the palm of your hand. I then transplant them to cup sized pots. From there onto gallon pots & then into the ground. Ü It's a lot of work, but totally worth it! *insert nerdy squeal here*

boo boo face

2008-03-27T19:56:00.000-07:00

Sometimes being a parent is the hardest job in the world.

My 4 year old daughter has a lump on her neck the size of a marble.

I'm stressed out beyond belief.

The thought of anything being wrong with my kids makes me dizzy with grief.

Please keep us in your prayers.

♥ Sheri & Kids

I'm considering voluntary surgery!

2008-03-24T16:52:00.000-07:00

There is a disease that is running through my place of employment and I’m getting nervous that it may be contagious.

It is known as the “Santiago Spread”. It is known by a few other names in the corporate world. (Example: Secretaries Ass).

After doing some research, I believe I have discovered the cause of the beast.

Junk Food.

Our kitchen is always stocked with the following: Cheezits, Pretzel Mix, Candy Bars, Beef Jerky *drooling*, Cup-o-Noodles, Corn-Nuts, Licorice, and a few other things I can’t even look at without gaining weight. Oh, yes. I forgot the fridge that is stocked from top to bottom with soda. *BuRp*

Perhaps my best line of defense in the war against The Spread should be having my jaw wired shut. Insurance should cover a portion of that surgery. I mean, really now, it’s got to be cheaper then gastric bypass surgery, right?!

Eesh.

Chino Is A Time Capsule

2008-03-22T16:12:00.000-07:00

Chino, CA is like a time capsule.

Last night I dropped my girlfriend Kelly off at her parents house, which just happens to be spitting distance from the house I grew up in. I haven't driven through Chino in several years.

Getting off the 60 fwy was surreal for me. Turning North on Central Ave, East on Philadelphia, South on Benson... (Disclaimer: I am directionally retarded in the OC. In my head, the beach is W E S T, like on the map of the US. I don't understand why I have to take the 55 SOUTH to get to the beach. Mexico is South!! But anyway...in Chino, the mountains are N O R T H. Kinda hard to get lost there...) And then into my childhood stomping grounds.

I was giggling pointing at the crosswalk outside of the Chino Town Square. "Kelly! Do you remember when we tried to cross the street while they were building the Target only we couldn't comprehand why cars were turning when we had the cross-walk signal?" We were like... 10? Clearly should not have been walking across major intersections at that age, in my opinion.

One summer, Kelly's older sister Sherri had a fantastic idea!! We were having an unusual summer storm. It was muggy and rain was coming down in buckets. We covered our feet in plastic grocery bags and went tromping thru the gutters. (gross) And one time we filled up garbage cans with water and made our own "jacuzzis". (double gross) We were always up to something. I remember when Kelly's folks bought a new fridge and we got the ginormous box. Sweet... We had the coolest clubhouse ever! Until it rained.

My childhood was filled with a lot of drama which seems to have blocked out my good memories of being a kid. Divorce, moving, vicious custody battles, arguing with my parents, moving back and forth between the two homes, more divorce: All of these things made me a pretty jaded little girl. I can imagine I wasn't easy to live with. (Sorry mom, dad, elva & roy!! XXXOOO)

Meanwhile back on the ranch...

Driving through Chino with my kids asleep in the car was so hard. I wanted to wake them up! Drive them by Walnut Ave. to show them where I attended 2nd - 6th grade. Magnolia Jr. High. Chino Senior High, with the big "COWBOYS" sign still painted across the front of the gym. I wanted them to see the huge Chino Town Square and say, "I remember before any of this was here. Your uncles and I used to ride our bikes in the huge dirt piles. We would make jumps out of any debris that was left there. And now look, tons of stores and a parking lot. Some of my childhood memories are buried under there."

Summer's in Chino were spent in my dad's pool. The neighborhood kids would all come swimming as temperatures would hit the 100's (triple gross, btw) - we would swim until the sun went down, then do it all over again the next day. My dad would get home from work and see 10 kids in his pool (half which were biologically his) , 20 towels hanging over the pool gate and just grin & shake his head.

Chino holds a lot of sad memories for me. Some of which are depressing enough to have kept me away for all these years. But, the simple drive through last night made me realize something: My good memories as a child totally outweigh the bad and I need to start sharing them with my kids.

Wha' the...?

2008-03-20T13:31:00.000-07:00

I’ve been told lately that I’m too picky when it comes to dating. GASP. (O_o) Wha’ the…? No way. I actually have very few “requirements” when it comes to a guy I am willing to date.

-Under no circumstance is it acceptable to still live at home with your parents unless you are their caregiver. If your mommy still makes you toast in the morning and does your laundry, I do not want to date you.

-“In Between Jobs” = LOSER, in my book. Being unemployed is not acceptable unless you are a Trust Baby. And I don’t date T.B.’s.

-If your ‘job’ is commission only and in sales, I do not want to date you. One quick shake of the economy and you will be living at home with your folks again. Not okay.

-Should you believe that women are only “after your wallet”, I will tell you to get over yourself. And, I will not want to date you.

-Having any time “behind bars” is not an admirable quality. I do not care if your friends find this entertaining or cool, I will think that you are an idiot and will not want to date you.

-Any use of drugs. Really, pot smoking is for teenagers not grown adults. (Not that I condone drugs in any way, but if you are an adult male who does drugs, you are a double loser in my book.)

-When dating me, the following language is unacceptable:

*Referring to me as your ‘woman’, ‘ole’ lady’, or ‘chick’ to your friends.

*Using the term “I’d Hit That”.

*"I swear she's just a friend! It's not what you think! She kissed me first!" Yea, right...

See? Not so picky, huh? ;)

Welcome to Sheriville. Population:1

2008-03-18T10:08:00.000-07:00

Dating is foreign to me.

I have had a total of 4 serious relationships:

1. My First Baby’s Daddy
2. Psycho Martial Arts Dude
3. My ex-husband
4. The Recent Ex

History of failed relationships:

1. He cheated. He will never admit it. *tisk tisk* But, the other girl was kind enough to take me out to coffee to spill the beans. How noble of her. That lasted a few years before I finally threw in the towel. Actually, I threw the towel away.
Total Relationshit: 2 years

2. He was a tad psycho. Ok, more then a tad… His hero was George S. Patton. He did a stint in the USMC and I think he may have eaten too many testosterone filled MRE’s. We bonded by “sparring”, true story. One day at work, he was in my car digging through my glove box and had my phone bill in his grubby hands. End of that madness. (Or so I thought. 10 years later I get a birthday card from him stuffed with photos of us. Creepy.) Uhm, and this past summer he drove 2 ½ hours to stalk me. Thank god for my cousin Jenn and my girlfriend Amberly. Had Jenn not peed her pants laughing in the middle of the street and Amberly not had “stealth” moves, it would have been far more horrific.
Total Relationshit: 2 Years

3. Funny story, really. We dated for 3 months and got married. Eloped to Big Bear, we were almost 2 hours late for our own wedding. *RED ALERT* We pretty much bickered every single day. I was a naggy bitch and he was a lazy ‘teenager’. I am a morning person and he was a night owl. Night owl meaning he was going to bed when I was getting up in the morning. One time, I threw a spaghetti-O’s covered rag at him, that was the extent of the violence I displayed towards him. We still laugh about that to this day, btw. Disclaimer: No spaghetti-O’s were harmed in the random act of violence.
Total Relationshit: 7 Years

4. This relationship was the first time I actually felt “in love” (sorry other ex’s.) . It was also my first true “broken heart”. Between “his, mine & ours” there were 7 kids. 6 of them at home. He worked 6 sometimes 7 days a week which left me at home to tend to the chitlin. I was averaging 18 loads of laundry a week, and that was during the winter time. Add 6 kids swimming for the entire summertime and that doubles the laundry load. I was beat. Anyhow, something went wrong and I’m not sure what it was… It ended oddly. He just stopped talking to me, which is the worst thing ever. We became room mates. It’s been a year and I can only think he had a mid-life crisis. Or perhaps it was the fact that we were 18 years apart. Who knows? After breaking up and getting back together a few times, we have both decided that we are just better off as friends. And he’s one of my best friends (as well is my ex-husband) so whomever I date will need to respect that.
Total Relationshit: 3 years

Okay, so now I’m dating again. All my previous relationshit’s were just kinda fallen into. There really wasn’t any “courting” period. Which is why I’m having such a difficult time with the whole concept of dating. I don’t know how! AUGH.

Here have been my dates so far this last year.
**Please note that they have all been given nicknames as to not reveal their actual identities.

Webcam:
His name pretty much covers it all. We had a few dates but he was a horrible kisser and used his webcam to send me filth. He actually bit my face at one point and that was the end of it. Really, it wasn’t like a nibble. It was a bite, it hurt and I was mildly mortified. Plus, he was a man whore. Oh, gawd. And he drove a station wagon. (A Dodge Magnum with an extended rear is a STATION WAGON. I don’t care if it has a Hemi engine and is candy apple red, duh.)

Podcast:
Totally nice guy. Made me laugh a lot. We went to the OC Fair and we went ‘dutch’. He was recovering from his recent divorce and felt more comfortable calling it “hanging out” vs. “dating”. But he lived in Burbank, hardly the easy drive to “hang out”. We are still pals and have already planned to go to the fair again this Summer. Nothing romantic, but there’s a friendship nonetheless.

Scion Dude:
L O S E R. He did some sort of drugs. And he mooched off of his cousin, I heard. Like not paying his portion of the rent because it all went up his nose. We hung out a total of 2 times. The second time I overheard him asking his cousin if he could park his Scion in his garage so that it wouldn’t get repoed that night. Uhm. Loser.

Coldstone’s Dude:
Probably the nicest guy ever. Made me laugh with his impression of Carlton from Fresh Prince. Nothing romantic came from it, but... we’re still friends.

Tubesteak:
For some reason I felt compelled to shamelessly flirt with the butcher at the local grocery store. He had blue eyes.. I think..?! I don't know what it was, really. Anyhow, he seemed to be on the prowl also. One day while my cousin and I were shopping, he started hitting on HER! Dangit. She pointed her finger in my direction. So then he started his "I'm a single dad, I own my own house, wanna go out?" speech with me. I accepted. (I would end up wanting to kick my own ass for that later on.) We had dinner at his house. He talked SO poorly of his ex the entire time, it actually gave me an upset tummy. Next, we went bowling. I was pretty much disgusted with his opinion of his ex and his inability to keep his poor opinion of her to himself on a first date, I can justify what I did next.
First of all, he was manorexic. I know this because he forgot to remove the size sticker of the back of his new BAGGY jeans and it stated he had a 26 inch waist. (YUCK! Skinny guys aren't attractive to me, at all.) I let him wear it the entire time we bowled. *giggling my fanny off*
Not friends, changed my number, he has earned creep status in my book.

Drunk Text Boy:
This has got to be the best story ever, so pay me some damn attention. I was angry at the recent ex (Relationshit #4). Livid I think is a more appropriate word. Anyhow, I had deleted him from my phone and blocked his incoming calls because I couldn’t stand the thought of talking to him. (O_o) WELL, apparently I sent a horribly mean text message to the wrong person. That’s right, I texted some random guy! I received a text message the next day from DTB challenging me to a duel. Oh my. Once I realized my mistake I was grateful of two things… One, The Recent Ex didn’t receive the text message that was intended to shred his soul & manhood. And Two, I didn’t actually send that text message to a woman or a teenage boy! We went on a total of two dates. The first date, he showed up 30 minutes late and got wasted. Date number two wasn’t much more promising… He again showed up almost 30 mins late and made me drink unfiltered sake. Bitchscusting. *shudder* He works as much as The Recent Ex though so it would never ever ever work out. He was funny though and we have remained friends. (By friends meaning we text each other once a month and say “Hey, what’s up?”)

…..*insert 6 months of not dating here*….

After signing up for several online dating services, I was introduced to the town of “Creepville”. It consists of several thousand very unattractive guys ranging in ages from 18-58. I kindly tell the 18 year olds that I am old enough to be their mother and that I am not a cougar. Then I kindly tell the 58 year olds that I’m not ready to be a grandmother to their fugly grandkids, so kindly leave me be. I don’t have a lot of fans out there.

Well, one site has been somewhat promising. I have met a really awesome guy that we shall call T.T. He’s very handsome and his laugh is infectious. The hours seem to fly by as we talk and I’m completely comfortable with the flow of conversation. We’ve had two dates and I’m looking forward to the next one. Who knows if anything serious will bloom from this?! If not, that’s okay. He’s surely one that I will keep as a friend should Cupid miss his ass with the arrow.

Statue Of Limitations

2008-03-15T13:21:00.000-07:00

I enjoy nothing more in this world then tattling on my brothers for things they did years & years ago.

Yea, I know what you are thinking. "She's 30! She's a mother herself! Why does she enjoy tattling?!" I can answer that in one simple sentence: Because I can.

Here are some recent tattling sessions:

Me: Hey dad, did I tell you what Chris did with his bb-gun when he was in 7th grade? He shot Katie and I in the butt with it. Then he and Wayne threatened to knock our blocks off if we told anyone. We each had a bruise the size of a softball on our buttcheeks for weeks!

Dad: Oh good grief. *rubbing temples*

**********************************************************************************

Me: Hey mom, remember the time there was a burn mark on the kitchen floor? Not only did Charlie set the toaster oven on fire, he set a paper plate on fire too.

Mom: I'm shocked he didn't burn the whole neighborhood down. Your brothers were pyros...

Me: Yep, I know this. Did I ever tell you about the time Trevor set fire to a pile of leaves in the back yard with a magnifying glass and it smoldered for 3 days?

Mom: Wha'...?? Ok, no more. Stop.

Me: And one time...

Mom: Sherilynn, really... Stop.

Me: *pouty face*

***********************************************************************************

Me: Hey dad. *batting eyelashes* Did I ever tell you about the time that Charlie & Lance went joyriding in the van? They got pulled over because the break light was out and the cop didn't even ask for his license. Which he didn't have, of course, because he was 13!!!

Dad: New family rule. You can't tell me anything else until the statue of limitations has run out.

Me: Awwww mannnnn!!!

Ask Your Dad!

2008-03-14T16:26:00.000-07:00

I have a LOT of siblings, only I'm the only one with "girl parts". I have 6, 7, 8?! brothers. (Really, I stopped counting once I started my own family and my dad kept procreating.)

Last Friday after work, I picked my girls up from their dad's house. We were talking about my girlfriend Amberly who had just given birth to a sweet baby girl that afternoon. (Congrats Amber & Josh!!)

Here is the traumatic conversation I had with 8 year old Madison and 4 year old Catherine on the drive home.

Me: Guess what? Amber had her baby!

Girls: YAY! When can we see her?

Me: Well, they will be in the hospital for a few days and then Amber will need a few days to rest before we go over there...

Madison: Oh.

Catherine: *looking at Madison* Oh.

Madison: We asked my dad while we have bellybuttons.

Catherine: Yea, how come we have 'em?

Me: Well, when you were in Mommy's tummy, that's how I fed you.

Girls: Gross....

::insert little girl brainstorming here::

Me: So, what should we make for dinner?

Madison: Mommy? Uhm, how does the baby actually come out of you?

Catherine: Out of your belly button?

::insert little girl laughing here::

Me: Hmm.. No, the baby does not come out of your belly button, that's silly. So, what should we have for dinner? Corn dogs?

Madison: MOMMY. You didn't answer us. How does the baby come out of you?

Catherine: How?

Me: *deep breath* The baby comes out of your pee-pee.

Girls: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!

Me: Yes.

Madison: Does it hurt?

Me: More then anything in the world. (Drama queen answer, yes. But I need to put the fear of stretch marks into them at an early age!!)

Catherine: The baby comes out of your pee-pee! The baby comes out of your pee-pee!

Madison: Oh my gosh! Like you pee out the baby...?

Me: No! Uh. It isn't like that! The baby just comes out, okay? My brain hurts from work, let's talk about something else please.

::insert long pause here::

(Side note: Long pauses are never safe. I always know they are plotting ways to give me premature gray hair and an ulcer.)

Madison: Soooo.... How do babies actually get in your tummy?

Me: ASK YOUR DAD!! (Sorry Terry!!)

Bottled Water

2008-03-13T20:48:00.000-07:00

So... For those of you that know me well, you know I have a fear of transients. They've never done anything to me, they just seem unstable and scary. (Yea, whatever. I'm a sissy, I know.)

One night last week, I was getting off the freeway (sitting at the worlds longest red light) - tired from a long day at work crunching numbers when I noticed a man on the freeway off ramp with a sign that said "Your change could change my day. God Bless."
For some reason, it made me incredibly sad to see his sun beaten face all scruffy with the brim of his dirty baseball cap pulled far down, over his eyes.

I had the immediate thought "I have a few bucks of change in my ash tray. I should give it to him..." I hesitated to roll my window down, didn't make eye contact and he walked away from my car.

The car directly in front of me held his arm out of his car window with some dollar bills crumbled up. The homeless man accepted the bills, nodded his head towards the man and then handed him a little origami crane...

I looked in my rear view mirror (once again avoiding contact with the man) and the car behind me handed him a bag of food. Like they had just finished up at the grocery store and had put together a bag for him. He handed them an origami crane. Once again, I focused my eyes on the blasted red light that refused to change to green...!!
Finally the light changed and I was able to "escape". Sorta. I got a tight feeling in my chest and felt my eyes well with tears. It bothered me for a few days. I had the few extra bucks and I didn't help.

Tonight after work, on my way to pick up the girls from their dad's house, there was a man on the street corner. He walked towards the car in front of me, smiled a crooked smile at the driver, waved at the kid in the back seat and then walked past my car.
Once again, I averted eye contact.

I watched him in my side mirror with his sign held low against his torso. I noticed his skin was very yellow, borderline orange. His eyes looked tired and he shuffled when he walked. As he turned around and started walking towards me, I read his sign in my mirror "Kidney failure. Need dialysis. Can't work."

God.

I glanced over at my wallet knowing that it's contents need to last me the next two weeks until payday. Being a single mom is hard, yes. And this last year has been financially the hardest I have ever had. I count pennies and cut corners, it's just life right now. The crappy economy cut my pay by a third and it's been a very difficult adjustment, but I'm doing it! And, I know times will get better so I just roll with the punches. This man has it far worse then me.

The man's eyes reminded me of my dads. They twinkled. I reached over on my passengers seat and grabbed the bottle of water I was just getting ready to open. I'd be home in a half hour, I could cope.

I rolled down my window and handed him $3 and a bottle of cold water. His hands shook as he took it from me, opening the bottle of water and taking a big swig.
He said "Thank you, miss. My mouth is parched! I needed water most."

I smiled, told him he was very welcome and drove off.
I've decided to keep bottled water in my car from now on.
It's the least I can do.

My Thinking Place

A Hodgepodge of Jibberish

Someone outta gorilla glue this drawer shut

Driving Like the Mailman!

That Chick

*facepalm*

Spellcheck, please.

Falsies!

Knitting Socks

Perfectly Un-Perfect

DRAMA FREE my (_i_)

How does one lose a sucker fish?

My boss is way cooler then yours!

Bad commute gone good!

The Huntington Beach Tar Pits

The Sheri Map

Helicopter invasion

word of the day

..do you feel a breeze?

Aaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnddddddddd.........

I am me.

Lines

*flipping off IKEA*

Pushup dilema!

Christmas is coming!!

Pick-Apart

Five steps forward, zero steps back...

Re-evaluation.

Mishaps happen... to me.

Gardening Guppies

The "I Didn't Do It" Bear

Time Out Feet

I am suffering from Chick-Fight-Frazzle

Rotten Apple

Match Closed

Everything happens for a reason!

Dirty little secret.

C.B.D.

Life Is Too Short To:

Dear Lying Boys

Dear Bacardi:

Beware of Hugh!!

Here's what E-Harmony has to say about me.

♥Gina♥

Words Of Womanly Wisdom

*SQUEALING*

Eating sand.

Boy toys are NOT for girls!!

Some Assembly Required

Welcome to the Winder clan Sarah! ♥

My 4th Child

*boo boo face*

I'm considering voluntary surgery!

Chino Is A Time Capsule

Wha' the...?

Welcome to Sheriville. Population:1

Statue Of Limitations

Ask Your Dad!

Bottled Water

facepalm

flipping off IKEA

SQUEALING

boo boo face