A Hodgepodge of Jibberish

*ahem*

Me

I firmly believe that clothes shopping is a form of torture created by a woman of average height.

 I tried snowboarding.  Once. I sucked.

I took tap and ballet as a kid, I sucked at that too.  Choose martial arts instead, which I totally kicked ass at.

I prefer chips & salsa over hummus & celery.

My parents divorced when I was 8.  Thank goodness, couldn't imagine them being married now.

My kids make me laugh and are the wind in my sails.

I don't dance.  Two left feet.

Football confuses the crud out of me, but I enjoy watching it anyway.

I prefer living behind the wall of sass I have created - at least it keeps the asses out.

2011 will be the year I finish the novel I began writing in 2009.

When I win the lottery, my first purchase will be a tummy tuck & then new floor mats for my car.

I use the words "Uh..." & "Dude" way too much.

One time, I broke my wrist over a bad guys melon.

I love to run when it's misty outside.

Writing is therapeutic to me - I'd much rather hand write a letter than send an email.

I try to be the kind of friend that would give the shirt off my back (& even the receipt in case it isn't the perfect fit)

 I give 110%  and am stubborn as a mule.

 I am the only girl out of a ginormous vat of children:  I blame this for my tomboy-ness.

Speaking of being a tomboy - I probably have more battle wounds from falling up the stairs then you have coins in your piggy bank.
 For some reason, I enjoy cooking with the lights off. 

 One time, I replaced the frosting in my mom's cookie with toothpaste.

I gag every time my sweet neighbors from Cambodia cook fish.

 I prefer simplicity over extraordinary.

'Second chances' aren't in my vocabulary anymore.

Intuition is 99.9% right nearly 100% of the time.

I take the crappy advice they stuff inside fortune cookies to heart.

My favorite smell is rain & my favorite sound is walking on pea gravel.

Books are way better companions than most human beings are.

I choose my battles wisely, have learned to not waste my energy on struggling with the past & refuse to forget but will always forgive.

I believe in God.

If I had to choose two things to consume for the rest of my life, it would be beef jerky & Diet Dr. Pepper.

There has never been a time in my life where taking the easy road worked out for the best.

Someone outta gorilla glue this drawer shut

... because for some blasted reason, I keep running into said drawer and spilling it's contents!

April 12, 2010

May 27, 2010

I'm not sure that the bruise from my last battle with the desk has even healed yet.

(>.<)

Driving Like the Mailman!

(o_-)

I have been having the oddest dreams lately.

Most recently, I was sitting in the passenger seat of a car... only I was the driver.  After a brief moment of panic, I realized that somehow, the car wasn't veering off the road, squishing innocent bystanders or aiming for the underside of an OCTA bus.

After a bit of online research, here is what I have discovered about my very disturbing yet thrilling (eh?) dream:

If you are driving from the passenger side of a car, then it suggests that you are trying to gain control of the path that your life is taking. You are beginning to make your own decisions

Well, I'll be damned darned (working on that, sorry) - this has been my frame of mind lately.  Taking control of what is already mine.

Now, off to research the meaning behind trading faces with a boy.  I kid you not...

That Chick

"That Chick" is a unique creature.




We all know one, or have been Her at some point in our life.



Here is "That Chick", in a nutshell.



-Professes Her love in the middle of the first date because he opened the door for her. (That's his job, ladies. It's called chivalry.)



-Would rather stay home on a Saturday night to watch chick flicks and mourn the last relationshit that failed vs. hanging out with some really awesome friends (*sob* Am I broken? I sent him 85 texts today. Doesn't he miss me too? <-- Knock it off!)



-Settles for less then She deserves because she's lonely. (This is a sensitive subject, but it happens. She ends up in an empty relationship laying in bed next to a stranger... and is still lonely. No bueno!)



-Envisions Herself married and in bliss... with the gorgeous guy standing in line in front of her at the grocery store. (He's wearing a ring, but that's ok. Maybe he's unhappily married and there's a chance?? Nevermind. He's missing teeth. *sigh*)



-Overwhelms Her girlfriends with this: Doesn't your husband/boyfriend/husband's best friend/brother have any hot single friends?



-Dates fugly guys to boost Her self esteem (It was AWESOME! Everyone was looking at me like "She's too cute to be with HIM!"...seriously? *raising eyebrow*)



-Purposefully does not shave before a first date so She doesn't "accidently" molest the unsuspecting guy. (It really is none of his business that you've had no reason to shave your legs for over 6 months, That Chick)



-Saves texts/voice mails from a boy to listen to when she's at her lowest point missing him. (Really? Reading "I love the smell of your skin..." makes you feel better when you know he's out with some other chick right now? <---Stooooopit!)



-Resurrects old flames from the grave for entertainment purposes only. (I know he's no good for me, but damn he has pretty teeth. Is it wrong that I just want to see him ONE MORE TIME?)



-Drive by stalking. Enough said. Bad bad bad.



-"Accidently" texts the ex, just to see if he responds. (Oops... No, I wasn't saying I love your beautiful eyes, that's for THE NEW BOY I'M DATING!! Jerk. Stop texting me.)



The list goes on and on... and will be added to as need be.



Yea. I'm not gonna be That Chick ever (again!!)



;)

*facepalm*

Remember the simplicity of High School dating?

Boy to Girl: Will you go out with me?

Girl to Boy: Yes

It humors me when men say, "I don't wanna date a chick that plays high school games."

Looks pretty simple to me.

Adult Dating...

blows chunks.

Spellcheck, please.

*raising eyebrow*

If you are going to be kind enough to ask me out on a date, have the courtesy of using spellcheck.

hello whats ur name i would lke to have date with you as well get to know you a bit wht do u think im kuis

Falsies!

Instructions for applying false lashes.

1. Hold lashes between fingertips and apply a liberal amount of lash glue to the edge.

2. Constantly keep fingers moving so that any excess glue does not bind said lashes to your fingertips.

3. Place falsies as close to your natural lashes as possible.

4. DONT BLINK.

5. Remove falsies and repeat setps 1-4 as it is impossible to get it right the first time.

6. Using a moistened Q-tip, remove drying glue from eyelids, bangs & bridge of nose.

7. Glue will take several minutes to dry.  This process can be sped up by utilizing a blowdryer on low speed with high heat.  Eyes closed, please.

8. Using a very dark eyeliner, trace edge of lashes being sure to cover clumps of glue.

9. Curl eyelashes gently.

10. Apply 7 coats of mascara to ensure that should lash glue lose it's grip, the mascara will have at least fused the falsies to your natural lashes so they don't fall off into your Mai Tai.