A Hodgepodge of Jibberish

*ahem*

Me

I firmly believe that clothes shopping is a form of torture created by a woman of average height.

 I tried snowboarding.  Once. I sucked.

I took tap and ballet as a kid, I sucked at that too.  Choose martial arts instead, which I totally kicked ass at.

I prefer chips & salsa over hummus & celery.

My parents divorced when I was 8.  Thank goodness, couldn't imagine them being married now.

My kids make me laugh and are the wind in my sails.

I don't dance.  Two left feet.

Football confuses the crud out of me, but I enjoy watching it anyway.

I prefer living behind the wall of sass I have created - at least it keeps the asses out.

2011 will be the year I finish the novel I began writing in 2009.

When I win the lottery, my first purchase will be a tummy tuck & then new floor mats for my car.

I use the words "Uh..." & "Dude" way too much.

One time, I broke my wrist over a bad guys melon.

I love to run when it's misty outside.

Writing is therapeutic to me - I'd much rather hand write a letter than send an email.

I try to be the kind of friend that would give the shirt off my back (& even the receipt in case it isn't the perfect fit)

 I give 110%  and am stubborn as a mule.

 I am the only girl out of a ginormous vat of children:  I blame this for my tomboy-ness.

Speaking of being a tomboy - I probably have more battle wounds from falling up the stairs then you have coins in your piggy bank.
 For some reason, I enjoy cooking with the lights off. 

 One time, I replaced the frosting in my mom's cookie with toothpaste.

I gag every time my sweet neighbors from Cambodia cook fish.

 I prefer simplicity over extraordinary.

'Second chances' aren't in my vocabulary anymore.

Intuition is 99.9% right nearly 100% of the time.

I take the crappy advice they stuff inside fortune cookies to heart.

My favorite smell is rain & my favorite sound is walking on pea gravel.

Books are way better companions than most human beings are.

I choose my battles wisely, have learned to not waste my energy on struggling with the past & refuse to forget but will always forgive.

I believe in God.

If I had to choose two things to consume for the rest of my life, it would be beef jerky & Diet Dr. Pepper.

There has never been a time in my life where taking the easy road worked out for the best.

Someone outta gorilla glue this drawer shut

... because for some blasted reason, I keep running into said drawer and spilling it's contents!

April 12, 2010

May 27, 2010

I'm not sure that the bruise from my last battle with the desk has even healed yet.

(>.<)

Driving Like the Mailman!

(o_-)

I have been having the oddest dreams lately.

Most recently, I was sitting in the passenger seat of a car... only I was the driver.  After a brief moment of panic, I realized that somehow, the car wasn't veering off the road, squishing innocent bystanders or aiming for the underside of an OCTA bus.

After a bit of online research, here is what I have discovered about my very disturbing yet thrilling (eh?) dream:

If you are driving from the passenger side of a car, then it suggests that you are trying to gain control of the path that your life is taking. You are beginning to make your own decisions

Well, I'll be damned darned (working on that, sorry) - this has been my frame of mind lately.  Taking control of what is already mine.

Now, off to research the meaning behind trading faces with a boy.  I kid you not...

That Chick

"That Chick" is a unique creature.




We all know one, or have been Her at some point in our life.



Here is "That Chick", in a nutshell.



-Professes Her love in the middle of the first date because he opened the door for her. (That's his job, ladies. It's called chivalry.)



-Would rather stay home on a Saturday night to watch chick flicks and mourn the last relationshit that failed vs. hanging out with some really awesome friends (*sob* Am I broken? I sent him 85 texts today. Doesn't he miss me too? <-- Knock it off!)



-Settles for less then She deserves because she's lonely. (This is a sensitive subject, but it happens. She ends up in an empty relationship laying in bed next to a stranger... and is still lonely. No bueno!)



-Envisions Herself married and in bliss... with the gorgeous guy standing in line in front of her at the grocery store. (He's wearing a ring, but that's ok. Maybe he's unhappily married and there's a chance?? Nevermind. He's missing teeth. *sigh*)



-Overwhelms Her girlfriends with this: Doesn't your husband/boyfriend/husband's best friend/brother have any hot single friends?



-Dates fugly guys to boost Her self esteem (It was AWESOME! Everyone was looking at me like "She's too cute to be with HIM!"...seriously? *raising eyebrow*)



-Purposefully does not shave before a first date so She doesn't "accidently" molest the unsuspecting guy. (It really is none of his business that you've had no reason to shave your legs for over 6 months, That Chick)



-Saves texts/voice mails from a boy to listen to when she's at her lowest point missing him. (Really? Reading "I love the smell of your skin..." makes you feel better when you know he's out with some other chick right now? <---Stooooopit!)



-Resurrects old flames from the grave for entertainment purposes only. (I know he's no good for me, but damn he has pretty teeth. Is it wrong that I just want to see him ONE MORE TIME?)



-Drive by stalking. Enough said. Bad bad bad.



-"Accidently" texts the ex, just to see if he responds. (Oops... No, I wasn't saying I love your beautiful eyes, that's for THE NEW BOY I'M DATING!! Jerk. Stop texting me.)



The list goes on and on... and will be added to as need be.



Yea. I'm not gonna be That Chick ever (again!!)



;)

*facepalm*

Remember the simplicity of High School dating?

Boy to Girl: Will you go out with me?

Girl to Boy: Yes

It humors me when men say, "I don't wanna date a chick that plays high school games."

Looks pretty simple to me.

Adult Dating...

blows chunks.

Spellcheck, please.

*raising eyebrow*

If you are going to be kind enough to ask me out on a date, have the courtesy of using spellcheck.

hello whats ur name i would lke to have date with you as well get to know you a bit wht do u think im kuis

Falsies!

Instructions for applying false lashes.

1. Hold lashes between fingertips and apply a liberal amount of lash glue to the edge.

2. Constantly keep fingers moving so that any excess glue does not bind said lashes to your fingertips.

3. Place falsies as close to your natural lashes as possible.

4. DONT BLINK.

5. Remove falsies and repeat setps 1-4 as it is impossible to get it right the first time.

6. Using a moistened Q-tip, remove drying glue from eyelids, bangs & bridge of nose.

7. Glue will take several minutes to dry.  This process can be sped up by utilizing a blowdryer on low speed with high heat.  Eyes closed, please.

8. Using a very dark eyeliner, trace edge of lashes being sure to cover clumps of glue.

9. Curl eyelashes gently.

10. Apply 7 coats of mascara to ensure that should lash glue lose it's grip, the mascara will have at least fused the falsies to your natural lashes so they don't fall off into your Mai Tai.

Knitting Socks

Soldiers hold a special place in my heart.  I loved one, once upon a time. 

Having had that experience, the adoration for the US Military has just kind of stuck with me.  The dedication these men & women show makes me choke up a bit.  A few of my brothers are former Marines (OOHRAH!) & providing comfort for the American Troops is just in my blood.  It is the least I can do for the sacrafices they make.

I recently began volunteering at the USO.  Thus far, it has been a life changing experience.  An eyeopener of sorts.  Each volunteer has a different reason for offering their time.  Some are retired Military & Vets, some have family members in the service - brothers, sisters, children... and some have no connection to anyone in the Military - they simply want to say "thank you".

There is a fantastic site that I stumbled across this morning that touched my heart.  anysoldier.com  If you are looking to provide a little bit of comfort to our Men & Women serving overseas, this is the site for you!  Currently, I have 3 friends serving in Iraq. I do my best to reach out to them as much as possible, just so they know that someone at home is thinking about them. 

I may not always agree with the circumstances surrounding the deployment of our Troops, but that doesn't prevent me from knitting socks on the homefront. *wink wink*

Perfectly Un-Perfect

*ahem*
This post has been deleted by the author.

DRAMA FREE my (_i_)

Here Ye Here Ye!

Thou shalt acknowledge that thy male counterpart is substantially more emotionally broken then ye!

Or something like that.

It's been a while since I have had such insight into the male brain. 

Ladies, boys are considerably more (or equally as) broken then we are.

Being back on the dating scene isn't much fun.  *sigh*  It's the same scumwads that have been hanging around the joint for the last 2 1/2 years.  It's odd to receive emails stating, "Hey! You're back!  How ya been?  Things didn't work out with Bacon? That's too bad.  Wanna get a drink tonight?"

Really? No.

Anyhow, the boys that I'm learning to avoid are the ones that state they are "DRAMA FREE".  :raising eyebrow: Not so much.

As females, we tend to have drama from past relationships.

But boys hang onto stuff from their childhood. 

I once dated a guy whose mother left him at a very young age.  He was raised happily by his grandparents.  He reached adulthood, got married, had a child... and then discovered that he had siblings whom he never knew existed.  Now, I can't imagine not having been raised by my mother.  Or feeling abandoned.  And no, this guy never vocalized either of these concerns in great depth, we only touched on them lightly during a few brief conversations. 

Said relationshit progressed, Y-chromosome spoke of co-habitation (woah) and then ::boom:: it was done.

Ok.

*blink blink*

For some reason, I have been attracted to severely broken males in the past. 

Ones with "mommy" issues, practically still hanging from the teet. 

No more of that...

And no more of the ones that hate their mother's either. 

Or the ones who don't know who their mother is.

Or the ones who won't forgive their mother's flaws.

Or the ones who still live with their mother.

How does one lose a sucker fish?

I'm a pretty good fish owner. I feed them, I clean the tank often... hell, I even rearrange their plants from time to time to mix it up a little for them. (I can only imagine that being a fish is rather boring. Nothing like a big ole' hand coming into your tank to scoot your plants around every few weeks to get the fishie heart racing!)



Last night was a routine cleaning: Remove a good portion of the water, rinse off plants, change filter, etc.



I don't stick my hand into the tank for fun, trust me. My guppies aren't afraid of people and they will swim in between your fingers and actually nibble at your fingers. :shudder: Hrm.. Anyhow, I've had a "sucker fish" for the last 3 years. Ugly thing, but he serves his purpose.



Last night, he wasn't there. (O_o)



I practically stuck my head into the half empty tank, flipping over the pebbles, shiny stones, plucking plastic plants out of the blue gravel, tipping over *fish toys and he was gone!



How does one lose their freaking sucker fish?!



Here's what he looked like.














Lemme know if you see him, he's in big ass trouble for not leaving a note.



*Fish Toys: While my fish can't actually play with toys, they enjoy swimming through holes... believe it or not. So their tank is equipped with a stone-like cave that they can swim through and frolick in.

My boss is way cooler than yours!

That is all.

☺

Bad commute gone good!

Sometimes, my weekly commute makes me borderline crazy.

Two days a week, I drive from Orange County to The 909 to pick up & drop off my girls. One day a week, I leave my house at 6:45 am to reach The 909 by the time Maddie's school starts, and then race back to OC to drop off Catherine and make it to work on time. And then the other day, I have a 3 hour round trip to pick them up after work. *sigh*

These trips often wear at my self-control and sanity... chipping away at both mile after mile.

On one particularly difficult morning, I felt like crying the entire commute. It had started to rain, several lanes on the blasted 57 were closed and I had forgotten my coffee on the kitchen counter. Awful stuff, I tell you. . . *tisk tisk*

Anyhow, somewhere on the 210 fwy, I looked up and saw this:

I captured the scene with my phone and glance at it from time to time for strength during particularly frustrating or sad times.

You're welcome.

Ü

The Huntington Beach Tar Pits

I betcha' didn't know that good ole' Huntington Beach has it's own tar pits, huh?





For some reason, each and every blasted time I visit this dirty sand/water hole, I come home with tar on my feet.





Today, I figured I'd outwit the Tar Monster and not go in the water. Aha! Sometimes, I'm so clever. *sigh*





I was laying on my belly reading (don't ask me what...*edwardandbellacough*), watching the girls play in the water. I was mindlessly shuffling my feet in the sand... And felt something stick to my foot.





NO FREAKING WAY...!! *augh*





















T A R



Honestly, I was shocked. In my girl brain, if I stayed out of the water.... I wouldn't end up "tarred" again. Lordy.



OH NO!! I felt something on my other freaking foot!! NOOooOOooOoOO!!



















*Author's Note: Yes, that is my left foot, not my hand. I am able to spread my toes much further, but didn't want to freak you all out... I can pick up such household items as blankets, toys and on occasion golf balls.



So.



I bet you are wondering how to remove said tar from one's body, aren't you?



Pumice stone.



But first, you have to let it dry until it's hard... kinda like stale gum. *grimace*



Ask me how much fun it was to cram the pumice stone in between my toes.



Delightful I tell you.



My children and I will only be swimming in Newport's water from now on.

The Sheri Map

North: Alaska



South: Mexico



East: Mom's House



West: Supposed to be the freakin' beach



I don't care how long I have lived in Orange County, I will never understand why the beach isn't West like it is on the map.



*grr*



I hate getting lost.

Helicopter invasion

I have low-flying helicopters in my home.

Someone told me that these unsightly disgusting flying things ate mosquitos, so I have been doing my part to save nature and haven't been squishing them.

Turns out, they don't eat mosquitos. In fact, they don't eat at ALL! (No wonder they're so freaking skinny. I'm just sayin...)

I pretty much hate them. They watch me take showers, buzz around my lamps and don't even have the decency to flush themselves once they fall into the potty. I'm afraid to sleep with my mouth open because I just KNOW that one is going to fly into it. G R O S S

Anyhow, after much research... I say: Let the squishing begin!! :D

I rescued my 5 year old from being carried away by this dude. (Think -the flying monkeys from The Wizard of Oz.) I squished him with my favorite Old Navy flip flop.

Ü

Go me!

word of the day

Shubby [shub-EE]

-adjective

Definition: Chubby Sheri

..ihavefreakinghadit..

*Coming soon to a closet near me: Smaller Clothes.

I'm crazy enough to blog about this journey. *shrugs* Stay tuned.

..do you feel a breeze?

So... I'm standing at the copier and the following conversation takes place...

Boss: Hey, do you know that you have a hole in the back of your jeans...?

Me: Shut up, I do not... Wait, are you serious...?

Boss: Are you wearing underwear? *laughing*

Me: YES I'm wearing underwear!! *gasp*

Boss: Doesn't look like it!

Me: OH MY GAWDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!

I ran into my office, took this picture... and then drove home and changed my jeans...

*blink blink* WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

Aaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnddddddddd.........

I'm back!!

*yawn*

::stretch::

After a brief blogcation, here I am.

Lucky you. ;)

I am me.

There are a lot of things in this world I am not (proud to say !!) and here list of what I am.


For your viewing pleasure...



I am:




*A single mom with wonderful children.













* An 'artist' in my own way.
















*A dreamer.













*A procrastinator. Worst trait by far!










*A devoted friend.

*I am me: If you don't like who I am, you can go pound sand.